Vicissitudes
by Twilightzoner
Summary: What would happen if the circumstances surrounding Bella's change were so traumatic, her human memories were erased? Could Edward make her fall in love with him a second time?
1. Prologue

**As you undoubtedly know, the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**.

Prologue - Edward Reflects

I pondered the exquisite and mysterious creature cuddled up next to me as she slept. Plastered across my face was perhaps the stupidest grin the world has ever seen. I didn't care in the least. I didn't even care how much Jasper and Emmett would tease me when they saw that same stupid grin on my face, which I was now certain I could not prevent. I was pretty sure I'd be wearing it for a while – maybe forever. My thoughts kept returning to our wedding night. Our wedding night! How incredible it was! How ignorant I had been! It was my arrogance, really, that astounded me yet again. Nothing could be taken for granted with this woman – _my wife._

I remembered our first day in the meadow, when her touch on my face and lips had felt so incredible, so fascinating, and yet so confusing to me. I recalled the first feelings of love and jealousy that had overtaken me – the elation and the terror that filled me at the same time. I was shocked that nothing in my long life had prepared me for those feelings – my assumptions neatly destroyed in comparison to the real life experience.

I had been even more exposed to the concepts of sex, physical love and lust. Seemingly endless classes in biology and medical school had inured me to human anatomy and the mechanics of the act. I had seen, or so I thought, every variation of physical love and lust portrayed in books, movies, and, unavoidably, in the minds of those surrounding me on a daily basis. I had often dismissed with contempt the endless fascination humans seemed to have with sex. I had even discounted the thoughts and acts of various family members I had unwillingly intercepted, thinking it was a purely physical release, not unlike, but lesser than, our need for blood. And yet, even with my need to maintain fierce control and the fact that we were both so inexperienced, nothing I had previously seen or learned or felt prepared me in any way for the reality of making love to Bella.

The sheer intimacy of the experience staggered me – the small sounds of pleasure in the night, the whispered words of endearment, the bold caresses - and perhaps most thrilling, Bella calling out for me in desire, in passion, in release. It took my breath away once again. It made me feel like the superhero she had once thought I was. It wasn't as if I hadn't wanted it – fantasized about it even. I had and many times. But to find that the reality of it was so much greater – had so far surpassed any of my meager imaginings – left me in stunned delight. I pulled Bella's body closer to mine and softly kissed her hair.

I had taken my time to give her pleasure first – knowing that she may not enjoy the actual act the first time. But somehow, the pain had ended up like another gift she had given me. She did not rail against it. She had smiled at me, touched my face and whispered, "I'm so glad it's you." The wave of feral possessiveness that overtook me then was astounding, indescribable. I wasn't sure I had thought the words or uttered them aloud at completion – "mine, only mine".

The multitude of feelings was earth shattering. I was quite sure at that moment that I could never get enough of her - ever. And another thought descended upon me - a darker thought. I knew now with unwavering certainty that I alone must have her. Whatever noble feelings I had ever purported to have in the past were utterly irretrievable. To think that Mike or Tyler or, worst of all, Jacob, could have ever experienced anything close to this moment could not be borne. She was mine, utterly mine – sealed by God and man – and I would never accept anything less.

So, in all my selfishness, I would give her the immortality she thought she craved. It wasn't that I had overcome all my own misgivings in this regard – I simply knew now that I was too weak to stop myself. I wanted her too much. And those thoughts made me acknowledge that I needed her again. What a brute I felt, wanting to wake her up and be at her again. It simply wasn't right! A gentleman wouldn't do such a thing. I could wait a few more hours. Of course, I rationalized, we could easily spend the entire honeymoon in bed – I wouldn't mind and I suspected Bella wouldn't either. I would just lightly kiss her – to see if it brought her to awareness. If she didn't wake up, I would leave her to her rest. If she did, however, that would surely be a sign . . .

I kissed her once, twice and her body became animated. Her hands began to explore of their own accord. Her response, even half asleep, left me gasping. I moved to cover her body with my own and all was lost in sensation. She _was_ mine, but more so, I was helplessly hers.


	2. Chapter 1 Disaster

Chapter 1 - Disaster

Chapter 1 - Disaster

We began to pack up the house for our move. We would not be returning to this place for the foreseeable future, if at all. When we got to Alaska, the treaty would be broken. This area would then become off limits. A part of me felt a definable sadness. I could never look upon this place with anything but gratitude. Coming to Forks had brought me Bella. That was more than I could ever have hoped for. A thousand treaties in a thousand territories could be broken, and I would happily pay the price. But Forks also contained Jacob Black, and I could easily leave him behind. I fleetingly hoped that he would be a part of the human memories that would be diluted or even completely lost soon after Bella's change, then berated myself for the thought. Perhaps I was getting superstitious getting this close to the actual event, but it suddenly seemed an unlucky reflection.

None of that mattered much anymore, in reality. In a couple of days we would be gone. I would make good on my promise and change Bella. The anticipation far outweighed the hesitation now. My thoughts were focused on the future. I refused to give into the despair of the past. Our wedding, and the days and nights we had spent in our marriage bed, had changed everything. She was now mine in every possible way. I would make good on my promise and give her immortality with my venom. In fact, absent the pain I desperately wished I could spare her, I could hardly wait.

Alice and Rosalie had taken Bella on an "all girls" outing today – a day-long extravaganza of beautification and shopping. Bella had good-naturedly agreed, although as they dragged her out the door I saw the uneasiness in her eyes as she looked back at me. I felt it, too. I wondered if there would ever be a time when I felt comfortable away from her. I rather doubted it. Once she had safely transitioned, I wanted to take her away to for a while. All thoughts of college were becoming secondary now – there would be centuries for education. Like I had told Bella before the fight with the newborns, I just wanted it to be the two of us. But not for just one night – now I wanted a long, long time alone with Bella.

I went out hunting – I wasn't really thirsty, but I needed something to do and it did make our close physical contact easier for me. There was no chance I would be tempted by her blood, but I wanted to make sure when we were together that other thoughts were in the forefront of my mind. I spent quite a lot of time enjoying the outdoors – there was no need to hurry – Bella would call me when they were on their way home from Seattle. Inexplicably, I felt another wave of unease.

Shortly after I arrived home in the late afternoon, I heard Carlisle take a call. The sense of urgency in his voice troubled me, so I headed to his office.

"Alice, slow down. Tell me what's happening." Why was Alice, who was with Bella, calling Carlisle?

I overheard Alice say, "She's just disappeared. I didn't see anything! Bella's gone."

My heart froze. "Carlisle, what is she saying?" I asked, terrified.

Carlisle hit the "speaker" button and put the handset down. "Alice, Edward is here now. Tell us what's going on?"

"Edward, I'm so sorry," and my gut clenched. "We were in the mall, shopping, and suddenly Bella wasn't there. I haven't seen anything! I can't figure out how this happened." The others now crowded in the room.

Before I could react with anything other than a growl, Carlisle asked, "Where are you – we're on our way."

As Alice gave him her location, Carlisle shouted out orders. "Jasper, Emmett, get the car. Esme, stay here in case Bella calls or comes home. Edward, let's go."

My brain had still not engaged when we piled into the car. I stopped to take stock, a part of my mind registering my family's amazement that I hadn't self destructed in anger yet. The rest of my mind responded with a sense of horrified disbelief. We had overcome all the threats. Bella had survived James, and Laurent, and Victoria. She had lived in close proximity to werewolves. She had jumped off of a cliff on top of that. And she had faced the Volturi and survived not one encounter, but two. What more could she possibly be expected to survive? What else was there? This just didn't make any sense.

Sitting next to me, Jasper kept trying to send me calming waves. As far as I could tell, they were having no effect. I was sick with anxiety, and rage was boiling just below the surface, waiting for any plausible target to be unleashed. My hands were in tight fists, my jaw clenched, my breathing ragged. I knew I had to hold myself together if I was going to be able to help at all, but I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

We met up with Alice and Rosalie in the parking structure of the mall. I jumped out before the car had come to a stop, grabbing Alice's shoulders. "What happened, Alice? How could this happen and you not see?"

"I don't know Edward," Alice sobbed the words. "Bella was right there with us, just a few feet away. Suddenly I turned around and she wasn't there and we couldn't find her. Edward, I can't see her!" Alice collapsed in my arms.

Carlisle intervened. "Edward, calm down. The only way we're going to get anywhere is if you remain composed. You too, Alice."

I released Alice and she looked at Carlisle, nodding briefly. "Start from the beginning and give us the all of the details," he commanded.

"That's just it – there's almost nothing to tell. We spent the morning at the salon. We came here afterwards and shopped for a few hours. We were laughing and having a good time. Bella was happy. The three of us were looking through some racks of clothing, and when I last checked we were all within 20 feet of each other. A couple of minutes later, I turned to ask Bella something and she just wasn't there. When we couldn't find her, Rose and I picked up her scent and started to follow. It led out one of this door and into the parking structure here and then stopped – she was clearly no longer on foot. Neither of us picked up any other scent that we recognized. And there was no scent of any of our kind – known or unknown."

"Alice, what did you mean when you said you can't see Bella?" That was the part that terrified me the most.

"I don't know – I've never experienced anything like it. I'm almost certain that Bella is alive, I can feel that much, but I just can't see her. I feel so useless!" Alice cried in frustration.

"Jasper, Emmett, locate the security office and get every security recording you can find – quietly and quickly," Carlisle ordered. They both nodded and left immediately. "Edward, go into the store and see if you can pick up anything else from following Bella's scent."

I left, anxious to have anything constructive to do. Although I could barely pick up Bella's scent in the parking structure, as soon as I went through the mall door it became much stronger. I followed that trail, noticing that the scent weakened the further I moved from the door. Alice and Rose were right – Bella had left or been taken out of this door. I also could discern no trace of any other vampire, although there were a multitude of human scents. I returned to the others in the parking structure.

Jasper and Emmett returned shortly after I did, carrying a shopping bag with a number of recordings in it. Carlisle said, "I think we should go back to the house and sort through these. Hopefully, there will be something to find on them."

I was suddenly desolate at the thought of leaving the last place Bella had been seen. "What if she comes back and there's no one here?" I asked helplessly.

Carlisle looked directly into my eyes as he spoke. "Edward, it's almost certain that Bella was taken from here against her will or possibly tricked in some way. It is very unlikely that whoever it was will simply drop her back off here. It is even more doubtful that if Bella were released, she would come back here rather than to her home. She's now been gone over an hour. I believe we can be of more use elsewhere."

I nodded grimly, hopelessness coursing through me. Already the light and joy that Bella had brought to my world was starting to dissipate. I could feel the emptiness that used to define my life returning with a vengeance. We climbed in our cars and drove away.

At the house, Jasper and Emmett started reviewing the security recordings while the rest of us discussed the possibilities. We started with the most obvious – the one threat we had not entirely dealt with – the Volturi.

"I saw no decisions coming out of Volterra that would suggest any threat to Bella," Alice stated. "I saw none of the guard coming here. At this point I have nothing to go on to say it was them."

"What about the wolves, Alice? You said you couldn't see Bella – doesn't that mean it had to be them?" I demanded.

Alice's response was maddening. "I don't think so, Edward. It feels different. When Bella was with the wolves I had no sense of her at all – everything just disappeared. While it's true that I can't _see_ Bella now, I do have a sense of her. I just don't understand it," Alice groaned.

The third possibility scared me the most – it was just plain human monsters that had selected Bella as their victim. As we discussed it though, it seemed unlikely to me. "They took Bella in the middle of a crowded store and had to go quite a ways to get to the exit. She wasn't even alone at the time. It just doesn't seem like some sort of random choice. There would have been much easier targets," I rationalized.

Jasper interrupted at that point. "We've got something." He pressed the play button – it showed a view of the parking structure, close to where we had been standing. A dark van pulled up and two men, propping up an obviously unresponsive Bella between them, climbed into the back, dragging her with them. The men's faces were unrecognizable under their baseball caps. The van took off. Emmett said, "I've got the license plate number."

Alice called Charlie at work, making up a story about a hit and run to get Charlie to look up the registration of the van for her. Charlie came back on the line after a minute or two, stating, "It's probably a good thing they took off Alice. That van is registered to a woman in Seattle, but it was reported stolen three days ago. Looks like you're out of luck."

Carlisle stopped my pacing. "I think you're right Edward – it's clearly not random. Bella was the intended target, although we still don't know why or who instigated it. I'm going to call Sam Uley and set up a meeting. You should come with me Edward, so you can read them, but you'll have to stay calm. I doubt they're involved in this, but we may as well eliminate them from the mix. Can you control yourself?"

I nodded tersely, but added "As long as they're _not_ involved in this."


	3. Chapter 2 Desperation

**Stephenie Meyer owns these people . . . **

Chapter 2 - Desperation

When we returned to the house, no one had changed positions. Jasper and Emmett were continuing to review more of the security recordings. Rose and Emse were quietly talking. Alice sat in a chair, staring at nothing, her eyes hollow. Up until this point, I had to some degree been able to contain the despair and the rage. With absolutely nothing to occupy me now, it was increasingly becoming impossible. The only reassuring thought was that at least I wouldn't have to depend on the whims of the Volturi this time – I knew I could somehow provoke the wolves into quickly ending my pain. It was strangely comforting. I began pacing feverishly as Carlisle updated the others.

"Edward confirmed it. Their thoughts revealed they had no knowledge of what has occurred. They seemed truly shocked."

"What about Jacob?" Rose asked quietly. "They can't know his thoughts if he hasn't phased."

"Ah, but he has," Carlisle responded. "He's on his way back to La Push. In the meantime, a couple of them are going to try to take up the scent, although I doubt they'll have any more luck than we did."

"Alice," I moaned. "Have you seen anything at all?"

She shook her head. "Nothing has changed. I still see only blackness. I can sense Bella, but I can't see her. Every once in a while when I try to see her I think I hear a noise, like the sound of an engine. That's all I'm getting." She dropped her head into her hands.

I suddenly couldn't stand another moment of pacing. I ran outside, putting distance between the house and myself, before falling to my knees and roaring my pain at the sky. This was so much worse than when I had left Bella, when I had known she was alive and could at least imagine her to be reasonably happy. In some ways it was worse than believing she was dead, when I could act quickly to end my grief. I had almost been content when I stood on the knife's edge, waiting for my moment to walk into the sunlight and bring an end to all things. The darkness that only Bella's presence could ever dispel once again began to consume me.

When I returned to the house, I could see the desperate fear in all of their eyes - an acknowledgement that if Bella didn't return to us, they would lose me as well. I couldn't bring myself to care. I sat down and let the misery have me.

At some point, Carlisle had turned on the news. It droned on in the background but didn't penetrate my brain. Esme's voice did, however, when she drew our attention to the television. A Seattle news station reported the discovery of a stolen van, found on the side of an isolated road, with the bodies of three men neatly stacked in the cargo area. They all appeared to have had their necks broken. It had been 14 hours since Bella disappeared, and her apparent kidnappers were dead.

Carlisle simply nodded at Jasper and Emmett, and they took off like a shot. Rose grabbed her laptop, looking to see if she could find anything useful online. I looked up at Carlisle, a tiny sliver of hope emerging at the thoughtful look on his face.

"Let's regroup," he stated. "We were already fairly certain this wasn't a random act. There can be no doubt of it now. It was clearly _not_ arbitrary; it was elaborately planned by someone who knows no moral boundaries. If there was ever any doubt about the wolves, this latest turn of events makes it conclusive. Finally, whoever is responsible for this knows at least something about Alice's abilities, although how they have gotten around them so completely is still a mystery. That leaves one obvious choice."

I nodded emphatically, my fists clenched at my side. "It's the Volturi. As soon as the others get back, we should be on our way."

"Let's wait and see what Jasper and Emmett learn and exhaust all possible leads here. But I think you're right – we should prepare to leave. Consider this, though. It would have required a lot less effort to simply kill Bella. If Alice is correct – that Bella is still alive – and that appears to be the right conclusion in light of the fact that her abductors are now dead, they have another purpose for her."

I began my pacing again, the glimmer of hope that Bella was alive warring with thoughts of what that purpose might be. I jumped when Carlisle's phone rang. It was Jasper, letting us know they'd be home soon. Carlisle went to his office and I heard him calling a pilot we sometimes employed when discretion was required and price no object. Esme and Rose went upstairs to pack a few items for each of us. I went back to my own self torment.


	4. Chapter 3 On the Move

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters . . . **

Chapter 3 – On the Move

Jasper and Emmett didn't have too much to report. There might have been a trace of Bella's scent near the crime scene, but they couldn't get close enough to the van to investigate further. It had been surrounded by police and technicians at the time, and they watched as it had been towed away. Judging from conversations the police were having, they believed the dead men were career criminals. Authorities were also dumbfounded how three men of their size and sort had all come to have their necks broken with virtually no other signs of violence. Jasper and Emmett were confident they could get access to the van at the police yard later that night when there would be fewer people around.

We debated for a time the pros and cons of waiting several hours for more information or leaving for Italy now. I held my thoughts, listening to the others. I found I couldn't trust my own desire to do something – anything – rather than sit here helpless. Jasper wanted the opportunity to investigate further, while Emmett seemed to think there was no point. Identifying the dead humans would probably get us nowhere. The only useful information would be to confirm that Bella had been in that van and perhaps detect any other scent as being that of a vampire. Carlisle, as ever the voice of reason, decided we should leave immediately, but said he would take the precaution of calling Sam Uley and ask the wolves to follow up on the details involving the van and the dead humans. I wallowed in my own dark thoughts, only half listening to the discussion until it was unexpectedly interrupted.

Alice suddenly sat up, her eyes wide with horror as she called for me. "Edward, Bella is screaming." Alice's hands shot up to cover her ears as if in pain, while her small body rocked back and forth. "She's screaming your name. She's in agony . . . I think – Edward, Bella's being changed."

I lunged across the room, the echo of Bella's screams reverberating in my mind, and desperately grabbed Alice by her shoulders. "Alice, can you see where she is? Please Alice!"

"No, it's all still darkness. I will try again, in a few minutes," Alice said with a shudder. I hugged her briefly, understanding what a toll this must be taking on her as well. I turned to Carlisle.

"There is no question now," I growled.

Carlisle was giving orders. Esme and Rose threw a couple of small bags in Carlisle's car and they took off with him. The rest of us piled into the Volvo and followed, heading for a private airstrip about 40 miles away.

During the long flight, I shut out the thoughts of my family while my negative emotions fought each other for predominance. Despair, self-loathing, fear and guilt gripped me time and again. I berated myself for not doing the one thing that would have kept Bella safe, the one thing she had repeatedly begged me to do for her over the last year. Yes, she had recently decided to wait until after our wedding, but that was a new development, an idea instigated by me. She had been trying to make this easier for me, because never once had the subject of her immortality been raised that I didn't flinch or express disapproval in some way. Bella had been right again though – it _was_ too dangerous for her to be human. How could I have let this happen? Why had I taken any risk at all when it came to the Volturi?

And what had Bella wanted more than anything in the world? She had wanted me to change her – had wanted it to be my venom coursing through her veins. So the one thing she had wanted, almost the only thing she had ever asked me for, I had denied her. I groaned aloud at the wave of guilt and pain that washed through me and looked up to see six pairs of desolate eyes watching me.

I turned to Alice in question. She responded with her thoughts. _I'll look again if you want, but nothing has changed since the last time. _

Carlisle "spoke" to me then. _Edward, this isn't doing any good. You're not doing yourself any good. This isn't your fault._

I felt my mouth twist in contempt, but didn't bother responding. It was _solely_ my fault. I was the one who had exposed her to the Volturi – my ill conceived suicide attempt compounding my biggest mistake ever – leaving Bella to begin with. On our return, when Bella had asked to be changed, I had actually scoffed at the threat they posed. My idiocy and arrogance were literally breathtaking in their scale.

I vowed to myself that if we managed to get Bella back, I would do whatever she asked, even if she hated me and wanted me to go away. I would do anything, as long as she was safe.


	5. Chapter 4 Disappointment

**The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer . . . **

Chapter 4 - Disappointment

We finally landed at a private airstrip near Florence, where the pilot knew which palms to grease so that our arrival would go unnoticed. Vehicles were waiting for us and we immediately departed for Volterra. We arrived in the city just after sunset and headed for the citadel. Before we entered, Carlisle took the opportunity to lecture us all, although clearly his words were intended for me.

"You must all stay calm. In particular, Edward, we need you to focus on the thoughts of those here. I will do the talking. Try to take my lead when necessary. And whatever you do, _do not_ lose your tempers." We all nodded solemnly and entered the building.

We were shown into the tower room where I had been twice before, the last time with Bella at my side. The thought of the extraordinary bravery she had exhibited on that occasion strengthened my resolve. We had to do this – we had to get Bella back. She had come here and saved me and now I needed to save her. I would cheerfully destroy every creature in this room if necessary in order to accomplish that.

In spite of these volatile thoughts, I noticed that the tower room seemed rather empty. There appeared to be only about half of the usual number of guards milling about, although they were still plentiful enough to make the success of any fight extremely doubtful. Much to my surprise, it wasn't Aro or Caius that came into the room – it was Marcus, accompanied by his personal guard.

He greeted Carlisle warmly. "Carlisle, my old friend, welcome back to Volterra. And have you brought your whole family on this visit? To what do we owe this honor?"

I detected no deception in his greeting. His thoughts reflected only his surprise at seeing us.

"Perhaps we should wait until Aro and Caius can join us," Carlisle offered.

"Well, I am afraid you may have an indefinite wait in that case. Aro and Caius left the city some days ago with their guard. You may have noticed how thin our ranks are," Marcus finished with a vague wave of his hand.

"Can you tell me where they have gone?" Carlisle asked.

"Strangely, they did not say," Marcus responded with a frown. "Nor did they say when they planned to return. Well, when Aro gets something in his head, he can be capricious." Marcus shrugged with indifference.

_Edward, is Marcus being truthful?_

I gave the briefest of nods. I hadn't expected this at all. Any hope for a quick resolution was rapidly fading.

"I don't recall Aro or Caius leaving Volterra when I resided here. I'm disappointed to hear this," Carlisle offered.

"Yes, on rare occasion they will leave the city, although I am not sure I recall them leaving together before this. But then I do not always pay attention." Marcus seemed to be tiring of the conversation and sought to move it along. "Is there anything _I_ can do for you?"

"Yes. We're looking for my daughter, Bella, who recently became Edward's wife. She has been kidnapped and we came here to see if you could offer any assistance."

"Someone has kidnapped an immortal? How could this happen?" Marcus seemed truly shocked, and neither his thoughts nor the thoughts of anyone in the room betrayed any knowledge of the event. His questions made me feel like I had been kicked in the stomach.

"Actually," Carlisle explained, "Bella's change was to happen later this week. She was still human when she was taken."

For the first time, Marcus looked directly at me. "How can this be so?" he asked incredulously. "I saw the depths of your feelings for her. Yet you did not give her the gift? You left her vulnerable?" His disgust was evident in the tone of his voice, the shake of his head. His thoughts were dismissive: _Then it is no more than you deserve . . . _

"Carlisle," Marcus continued, "I do not see how I can aid you in this matter. I shall, however, be more than happy to have Aro contact you upon his return. Perhaps he can be of more assistance." Marcus shrugged again, whatever initial interest he had in our arrival was waning.

"Please do so – at the first possible moment," Carlisle responded. "We will not be leaving the city until we have had an opportunity to discuss this with Aro and Caius." Carlisle's voice made his determination clear. He must have felt my impending objection as he thought, _Edward, we can do nothing further at the moment. We'll discuss this in private._

I nodded curtly, but my frustration was palpable. I realized that a part of me had been very hopeful that we would find Bella here – today. To realize that not only would that not happen, but the delay would be indefinite, was infinitely disturbing. At Carlisle's urging, I followed the others out. The last thing I saw was the look of contempt on Marcus' face.


	6. Chapter 5 Bella

**The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer**

Chapter 5 – Bella

A general feeling of dismay had settled on all of us as we gathered in our suite at our chosen hotel. Carlisle asked for my impressions.

"Unfortunately, I caught no glimpse of any knowledge of Bella from anyone in the room. Marcus was telling the truth. He knows nothing, and although he thinks it's odd that both Aro and Caius have left the citadel, he simply doesn't care enough to wonder about it. Whatever plans they made did not include Marcus," I finished with dispair.

Esme suggested we all check our voice mail once again. Carlisle quickly dialed a number, and we all listened to Sam's voice as the message played. They had been able to gain access to the van in the police yard and Bella's scent was present, but the only other scents there were human. The news reported only that the dead men were ex-convicts and that involvement with illegal drugs was the suspected motivation. There was nothing to connect the dead men to Italy.

We absorbed that news for a minute, although it didn't really tell us anything we hadn't already known. Finally, Carlisle turned to Alice, asking if there had been any change. She closed her eyes for a moment and then sighed in frustration. I didn't know if I was glad or not to hear Bella screaming in her thoughts anymore, since at least it had told me she was still alive.

We spent three weeks in that hotel suite, imprisoned inside by the sunny August days. From time to time some of us went out at night to hunt in the nearby woods. I could have cared less if I never fed again, but knew that Carlisle was right to force me – it was entirely possible that a confrontation would arise that would require me to remain strong. Eventually I noticed that Jasper and Emmett accompanied me everywhere I went, even inside the hotel suite. Carlisle's doing, no doubt - watchdogs to keep me from doing something stupid.

I spent those weeks in the depths of hell, knowing that Marcus had been right – it was no more than I deserved. My family could offer me no comfort – none was possible. Alice wasn't doing noticeably better.

At noon on the 21st day of our self-imposed captivity, the hotel staff brought us a letter that had been hand-delivered, elaborately addressed and written on expensive stationery. The only identification had been the single "V" written at the top of the page; the only words: "9:00 Tonight." My hands shook as I took the single sheet from Carlisle.

As we waited, we discussed possible scenarios and what our reactions should be. Carlisle's thoughts revealed his own torment. He was extremely concerned with my ability to control my anger. And although he loved Bella as the daughter she now was, he also feared the loss of more members of his family. He finally answered the unspoken question in my eyes: "Yes, Edward. We will fight for her. But only if there is no other way."

"Damn right we will," Emmett asserted.

We presented ourselves at the appointed time and filed into the tower room. Carlisle had positioned me in the middle of the group, between Emmett and Jasper. No doubt they had instructions to keep me both calm and restrained, if necessary. The three Volturi brothers, together with their guard, were waiting for us. There could be no hope of success in a fight. I vowed that if I didn't leave here with Bella, I would come back later to confront them on my own. I couldn't bear to think of my family being destroyed along with me.

Aro and Caius were carefully guarding their thoughts. Aro smiled at us and greeted Carlisle warmly. "Carlisle, we were so pleased to hear of your visit. Please introduce me to the members of your family I have not met before."

Carlisle quickly finished with the introductions before adding, "Has Marcus told you why we're here?"

"Yes, we were informed," Aro responded. He paused for a moment and looked briefly at Caius before admitting, "Yes, Bella is here with us."

I heard the growls of anger before it registered they were coming from me. Jasper's and Emmett's imprisoning arms kept me from moving. _Edward!!_ Carlisle chastised me. "You had no right," I yelled at Aro. But it was Caius who responded.

"We had every right," he hissed in outrage. "She should never have been allowed to leave here alive the last time. Aro was generous with you even then. We checked on her not once, but twice, and found she was still human. Again through Aro's generosity, you were given another chance, even though you were warned not to expect one. Under our laws, we had the right to take her human life. You should be grateful we gave her immortality instead, something you were apparently unwilling to do." His voice seethed with malice.

Carlisle calmly interrupted, ignoring Caius. "It is most unfortunate, Aro, that you didn't contact me first. With humans, there are always complications. But Bella was to have been changed the same week you took her." His words were like steel. "In any event, we came here to retrieve Bella and we would like to do so immediately. She is, after all, Edward's wife now and a part of our family."

Finally, Aro and Caius were letting their guard down and their thoughts started leaking through to me. Caius lightly touched Aro's arm and thought, _You may as well give her to them – she is useless to us. She has no gift – she won't feed – she will wither away soon enough. Her mind is . . . _Alice's excited thoughts interrupted then – _They're going to give Bella to us – we are all going to leave here alive Edward!_

Aro turned to Heidi, who was standing by the door. "Heidi, please go get our dear Bella." Heidi nodded and walked away, her thoughts revealing her displeasure. _Why in the hell do I always have to take care of the freaky little brat. _

Felix was also eagerly anticipating seeing Bella again, judging from his lewd thoughts. I snarled fiercely in his direction, and had to be restrained once more. Aro seemed to understand the exchange and attempted to belay my fears. _Do not concern yourself, Edward. None of the males have been permitted access to her._ I allowed some measure of calm to return.

In spite of Alice's previous assurances, I was troubled. Something was very wrong – something other than the fact that Bella had been changed by them – which alone was wrong enough. Aro began speaking again.

"I am afraid that Bella's transition was . . . difficult." He seemed to be searching for words. "She has retained no human memories. I am doubtful she will even know you. But perhaps this is for the best. Yes, perhaps you will be able to restore her mind to her."

Restore her mind? What did that mean? Carlisle's thoughts again urged me to calm.

"In addition," Aro added, "she will not feed. We have tried everything to tempt her, but she refuses – seems revolted in fact – by humans. I have never seen the like. Perhaps with your strange habits, you can address that problem as well."

Relief, fear and disgust flooded me at the same moment. At least Bella had not killed. I knew she would never forgive herself for that, regardless of where the blame really lay. At the same time, I couldn't believe they had exposed her to the human bloodbath they called feeding time. I shuddered to think of how they had endeavored to "tempt" her. But I had also never heard of a newborn that wouldn't feed – wasn't deranged with thirst - it was beyond comprehension.

After what seemed like an eternity, Heidi returned, Bella in tow. Jasper and Emmett again had to restrain me, this time from throwing myself on her. They were failing when Carlisle's stern voice echoed in my brain. _Edward, stop right this minute! Control yourself, damn it! You're not helping the situation and you may scare Bella._

Those were the magic words – I calmed down. I still had not gotten a good look at Bella, her hair shielding her face from me, but there was no doubt it was her. She did not even look in our direction. Bella walked slowly up to Aro and said quietly, "Hello, Father." It was Carlisle's turn to gasp in outrage.

Aro smiled sweetly at Bella and patted her head. His thoughts clearly reflected that he cared for her – like a child would for a beloved toy. "Bella, my dear," he said gently, "you have some visitors. These nice people here," Aro waved his hand in our direction, "would like to speak with you." My brain registered the fact that Aro spoke to her as if she _was_ a child.

For the first time, Bella turned her head in our direction. I gasped when I saw her bright red eyes, unable to really comprehend any other changes in that moment. At least, I thought, they were the bright red of a newborn, not the dark red of a predator. Her eyes took us in briefly, and then slid away. There was no sign of recognition in her face. She looked back to Aro, and he smiled at her encouragingly. "Heidi, please introduce Bella to her family." Obviously, there was no way Aro was coming anywhere near me.

Heidi impatiently grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her towards our group. Carlisle was first. "Hello, Bella," he said softly, smiling down at her, "my name is Carlisle. It's so good to see you." Bella gave him a small smile but said nothing.

Esme was next. "Bella, sweetheart, my name is Esme - I'm so happy to see you." Esme looked as if she were suppressing non-existent tears. Bella tentatively lifted her hand and briefly touched a lock of Esme's hair. "You're so pretty," Bella breathed, and the sound of her voice sent a shiver down my spine. It was the same and different all at the same time. Again, my mind was too occupied to analyze the change.

Heidi propelled Bella further down the line – Rosalie was next. She smiled at Bella and said "hi". Bella looked afraid and clearly wanted to move along. Rosalie sighed, her past sins coming back to haunt her.

Emmett was next and Bella's reaction was most surprising. Emmett smiled and said, "Hi kid, it's me, Emmett," and Bella's answering smile was dazzling before she shyly dropped her eyes again.

It was my turn next. My whole body was trembling. My brothers had dropped my arms and I fought to keep them at my side. Heidi led Bella to stand in front of me, and I clenched my fists to keep myself from touching her. I devoured her with my eyes and tried to make my face form a smile. Despite the red irises, she looked so beautiful. Bella's reaction to me was . . . indifference. She didn't look afraid, she didn't look happy. She acted as if she had been introduced to a stranger whose existence was of no interest whatsoever to her. My heart went cold – my wife didn't know me - Bella didn't love me anymore. Desolation struck me with the force of a battering ram and I swallowed another gasp of pain, all the more bitter for not having been released.

When Jasper introduced himself to Bella, her reaction was much the same, although a hint of wariness appeared in her eyes. When she reached Alice though, Bella's eyes and face became animated. She smiled broadly at Alice. "Hi, I'm Alice. It's so good to see you, Bella." And Alice, never able to restrain herself, gave Bella a quick hug. Bella tensed in surprise, but did not pull away.

Heidi led Bella back to Aro's side. Aro smiled tenderly at Bella, and I struggled to restrain my anger.

"Bella, these nice people are your family. They are going to take you home now," Aro carefully explained. Caius looked on . . . _a complete waste . . . _his thoughts mirroring the disgust plainly carved on his features. He turned his back, clearly indicating his dismissal of the scene before him. Marcus, who had said nothing the entire time, looked sad. I didn't try to hear his thoughts – my capacity for new sources of pain was at its limit.

In spite of my distress, I heard Carlisle's thoughts perfectly. _I think we should leave here as quickly as possible. I want to get Bella away from here._ I nodded briefly, understanding his real message. There would be no opportunity for revenge, not now at least.

"We'll be taking our leave, then," Carlisle announced. No one was hypocritical enough to mouth any polite niceties. Aro patted Bella on the head again, and said "Goodbye, Bella dear."

At Aro's words, Bella directed her attention to us again; confusion was evident in her red eyes. Alice began to walk towards Bella very slowly. The guards tensed, uncomfortable with her approach. Aro nodded at Heidi and she led Bella over to Alice, transferring custody to Alice's care. Alice headed towards the door, Bella docilely following a step behind. In spite of my misgivings, we were all leaving alive, and Bella was back with us.


	7. Chapter 6 Going Home

**The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer . . . **

Chapter 6 –Going Home

We left the city as quickly as possible. Carlisle had called the pilot as soon as we left the citadel, so the plane was waiting for us when we arrived at the airstrip. As ever in charge, Carlisle directed Rosalie, Jasper and me to the back of the plane, instructing Alice, Esme and Emmett to sit with Bella towards the front and to keep talking to her in a friendly and casual manner. I rebelled.

"She's my wife and I want to be with her," I demanded, the annoying whine in my voice evident even to me. Carlisle kept his side of the conversation in his head to avoid disturbing the others.

_Edward, right now she's a very confused and scared newborn – childlike almost. We won't know anything until I've had a chance to talk with her more. In the state you're in, you will only frighten her. _

I nodded glumly and slumped into a seat. It was so frustrating. Bella was only a dozen feet from me, and I couldn't touch her or talk to her.

_It's obviously too soon to come to any conclusions, but in spite of what we've seen, there is room for hope. She must retain at least some impressions of us – she's comfortable with Alice and Esme, even Emmett, strangely enough. And she was afraid of Rosalie and to some extent Jasper, only natural considering past events. _

"Carlisle, she didn't know me at all – not at all. How can that be?" I asked, pain saturating my voice.

_I don't know Edward. I won't know anything else until I speak with her. It's entirely possible her memories will return. She was only changed a few weeks ago. It's far too early to give up hope. Right now, we have to be thankful that we are taking Bella home and we are all still alive. _

The problem was, I knew the same thing Carlisle knew – newborns generally did not lose their human memories as a result of their change – they simply faded over time. I was frightened by how childlike Bella had seemed. Had everything been erased? Did she remember anyone at all? I had never been more aggravated at not being able to reach her thoughts. I tried to learn what I could from the conversation taking place in the front of the cabin.

Esme and Alice were speaking to Bella in hushed tones – telling her about her home, how happy they were that she was back with us, all the wonderful things we would do together. I didn't hear Bella's sweet voice at all, but once or twice Emmett said something that seemed to amuse her. I tried to hear their thoughts, but all three of them were obviously working hard to divert their minds. It was maddening.

There was no chance of discussing Bella in the enclosed space without the possibility of her overhearing, so I had no choice but to bide my time. I started to focus on what Carlisle had said, about being positive. It was difficult, but anything was preferable to the despair I had felt for the last several weeks. I tried to remember what I had learned in medical school about memory loss, but wondered how much application it would have in this situation. My recollection was that most memory loss was associated with brain trauma. There was certainly trauma here, but directly to the brain? That was probably not the case, although I didn't know for sure.

I started to think of places I could take Bella that might help her recover her memories. I thought about her favorite books and movies. Would she remember them or would they be a whole new discovery for her? Obviously, seeing the people she had known would be out of the question. Luckily, Renee and Charlie thought we were still on our extended honeymoon, but soon they would be expecting to hear from Bella. That situation would need to be dealt with as well.

As the plane prepared to land, Carlisle sent me one last thought. _When we get home, Edward, take what you need from your bedroom and relocate to the guest room. I think it would be better for Bella to be in familiar surroundings._ It made perfect sense, but it was another blow to my heart. Of course, she would not be comfortable sharing her personal space with a complete stranger.

The plane taxied to a stop and we were back in Washington. The pilot left us with a satchel under his arm and a smile on his face. _Little risk, great reward – gotta love those Cullens._ I didn't begrudge him a penny.

Once again, Carlisle handled the logistics, taking Bella, Esme and Alice in his car while I followed with the others. I had the feeling that this was just the start of my being denied Bella's company. I also knew he was sending me a message – I would not be allowed near her if I couldn't control my emotions.


	8. Chapter 7 Home Again

**Stephenie Meyer owns the wonderful characters . . . **

Chapter 7 – Home Again

On arriving at the house, Carlisle directed Alice and Esme to take Bella to our room; rather, her room, and keep her company. The rest of us stayed outside to talk in private. I sat down on the porch, dejected.

"Emmett, you sat with Bella on the flight. Please give us your impressions," Carlisle requested. I was anxious to hear them as well.

"Well, I'm not quite sure what to say," Emmett responded, and I realized that this was the equivalent of asking a professional wrestler for his opinion on nuclear missile throw weight. "In some ways she seems the same – she's very sweet," and Emmett smiled in recollection.

Although I saw Bella's "sweetness," that's not how I would have ever summed up her personality. Her dry sense of humor and sarcasm always proved to me that her personality was not "sweet". But of course, that was one of the things I loved most about her. At the same time, when it came to her affection for me, I could recognize that my impressions were no so different from Emmett's. I had always been overcome by the depth of her love – her selflessness, her devotion - so much so that at certain times I had trouble believing it. When I considered that, I thought I might be able to recognize this new Bella – the self-doubting and insecure Bella who needed me so much it tore at my heart and caused me pain just to be away from her. The Bella that incited, from the very first time I saw her, a long dead instinct to protect and shield her from harm, to keep her safely at my side.

The realization hit me with ill-timed force. I could finally put name to one of the feelings that had continuously assaulted me over the last several weeks. I had been under so much pressure I had not taken the time to identify it, but the fact was my arms literally _ached_ to hold Bella. My whole body _ached_ to hold her. And in that moment when the thought took form in my mind, it took every ounce of willpower I had to not rush into the house and take her into a suffocating embrace.

I looked up to see the others staring at me. This wouldn't do – it was time to get on track. "Carlisle, when do you intend to examine Bella and give me your assessment?"

"Tomorrow, I think, after she has become somewhat acclimated to the house. We'll let Esme and Alice tend to her tonight. In the morning, I will speak with her. Edward, I suppose it's obvious by now, but I strongly suggest that you keep your distance. You are measurably calmer, but I would prefer that you wait upon my diagnosis before intervening."

Carlisle was subtle, as always. I would need to muster as much patience as I could, more than I had ever exhibited the capacity for, to help Bella through this. I indicated my understanding of that broader message with a nod of my head.

Carlisle spent the next morning with Bella. Esme attended as well, holding Bella's hand. I wanted to listen more than anything, but Alice interrupted. She asked me to come outside with her, and I willingly followed.

"Alice, please tell me – I can take anything – but I can't stand not knowing anymore," I pleaded.

Alice was honest. "I want to get a little further away from the house, because I think you will go berserk, and Bella can't take that. She is incredibly sensitive right now. So I need you to promise me that you will stay in control."

I braced myself and nodded my acceptance of her condition.

"I think I know how they got around my visions, at least in part. I had never really thought about it in this way, but I guess it makes sense. Obviously, it's always harder to see the things you really want to see, as opposed to things that just appear. But Aro must have figured something out after he touched my hand that one time, because I now know why I couldn't see anything, and it's so fundamental, I feel like a fool."

"What is it Alice," I asked, taking her hand.

"They kept her in the dark."

"What do you mean," I questioned, not understanding.

"Well, it's the most basic of things that all people need to see – something we don't even think about - light. Even our kind need some light to see – at least a tiny glimmer. But they always kept her isolated in pitch darkness – in the van and in the plane, I suppose, but certainly wherever they changed her. Bella went through all that pain completely isolated, unable to see a single thing other than blackness. It's no wonder that her mind has taken refuge somewhere else."

I fell to my knees. Other than Alice, who had no memories of the event whatsoever, good or bad, we had all had someone to explain what was happening regardless of their motivations, to hold our hand, to ease our distress. Bella had nothing. She had literally been left alone in the dark to die.


	9. Chapter 8 An Unfortunate Stimulus

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters . . . **

Chapter 8 – An Unfortunate Stimulus

After several hours with Bella, Carlisle descended the stairs and indicated I should come outside with him. We walked slowly away from the house. I tried to be patient. I failed.

"Tell me, whatever it is – don't spare me," I insisted.

"Well," Carlisle hemmed, "it's difficult to know what to tell you. It's not like anything I've ever seen – human or vampire. She knows how to read and write, but doesn't seen to remember with clarity any books she has read. She remembers the history she was taught in school, but there is no social context in which to place it. She is adept with mathematics, which, of course, requires no human interaction. In other words, the logic is there – her intelligence is not impaired and she appears to have no brain damage – but she can't remember any specific social interaction." Carlisle, paused, shaking his head. "Bella always had a very private mind. Even you couldn't access it. It's possible she has retreated to that private part of her brain where she can deny admittance to anyone. It may be what she needed to do in order to protect herself."

"Did you ask her about Charlie and Renee?" After all, she had known them much longer than any of us.

"Edward, she has no recollection of any of the people in her life – not her parents, not her friends, not any of us."

_Not even her husband_, my mind added. "What have you told her then," I asked, really meaning what have you told her about me?

"Basically, the truth. That she was human – she does understand the differences between humans and our kind – and that she had wanted to become a member of our family. I explained that before we could change her, the Volturi arranged for her abduction and changed her without our knowledge, jealous to preserve any talent Bella may have for their own purposes. I also told her about her human family."

"So, she believes Esme and you are now her parents, correct?" I prompted. Carlisle nodded. "And she believes Alice and Rose are her sisters, I suppose, and that Jasper and Emmett are her brothers. Does she understand that the six of you are paired off?" Another nod. "Then what does she think I am to her?"

"Thus far, I have characterized you as her . . . friend, I suppose. I did not tell Bella that you were her husband or that the two of you were in a romantic relationship," he admitted. "However, I was very careful _not_ to give her the impression that you were in a brother-sister relationship with her. When I referred to her brothers, you were not grouped in with them."

"Why, Carlisle? Why would you not tell her that part of the basic truth," I asked, frustration saturating my voice.

"I have my reasons, and I will tell you if you calm down." I nodded bleakly and Carlisle continued. "First, I think telling Bella that you are her husband and that the two of you were in love with one another puts too much pressure on her. She is extremely . . . delicate right now. I don't believe we should expect her to have to behave in a certain way or to have feelings that may not exist. I'm sorry Edward, I know this hurts you, but as a doctor, and with Bella as my patient, I have to act in her best interests. I'm not saying that it will need to be like this forever – just for right now." Carlisle paused for a moment, before asking, "Edward, if Bella can't regain her memories, what do you intend to do?"

"Carlisle, I still love her with all my heart – I always will," I responded softly. "I will have no choice but to try to win her love all over again. I could never be whole without her. I will do everything in my power to earn her love, although I doubt it will be quite so easy this time."

"I figured as much. Which brings me to my second reason," Carlisle added with reluctance. "You need to think about whether regaining Bella's love is best for you."

I responded only with a look of shock.

"She may never be the same person, Edward. If you go about wooing her, she may very well fall in love with you. But you could attain your goal only to find that this Bella is too different, that she's not someone you could love with your whole heart or in a romantic way. You need to take things very slowly – get to know this Bella, before you make any decisions."

The thought that there could be any circumstances under which I would not love Bella, any iteration of Bella, was incomprehensible to me. My love for her permeated every cell in my body. But I also understood that if there was even a small possibility that Carlisle was right, I could damage her even more. I promised I would consider his suggestion, but the idea made me feel sick. I tried to move on to more productive ideas. "So, do you have a plan?"

"Yes, or at least I have some ideas. Tonight, I want Alice and you to take Bella out and show her Charlie's house. I think it's time we introduced some visual and other sensory stimuli to see if we can trigger any memories. Charlie's house was the place in Forks where Bella spent the most time. Obviously, you will need to go after dark, and make sure Charlie is asleep. Don't let Bella too near the house. So far she has not been tempted by humans, but we will want to maintain our precautions."

I nodded, eager to be in Bella's company. Carlisle noticed my excitement.

"Make sure you remain composed, Edward. If you don't, you will scare Bella, and that's the last thing we want. By the way, we haven't had time to focus on this before, but the feeding issue will become more of a problem as time elapses. Right now, Bella still has enough of her own blood in her system to keep her from weakening too much. She is not as strong as a newborn normally would be – an advantage for us at the moment – but in a short enough time the problem will need to be addressed. I don't know if it's attributable to the strong aversion to blood she had in her human life that has inexplicably carried over or just exposure to the Volturi's method of feeding, which sickened and frightened her."

A snarl escaped me at the memory – it was horrifying to think of Bella seeing that. I acknowledged, however, that the feeding problem would have to be resolved. I pushed the thought aside for now and looked forward to our nighttime expedition when I would see Bella.

We waited until two in the morning to be sure Charlie would be asleep. Alice and Bella sat together in the back seat of my Volvo as I drove. My eyes were on Bella's image in the rear view mirror most of the time. She looked so beautiful it made my heart ache. Her intoxicating scent, still strong with her newborn blood, filled the car. I was clutching the steering wheel in a death grip to keep myself from bounding over the seat and burying my face in her neck. Alice, as usual, kept up a constant chatter and Bella looked relaxed and comfortable, responding with a soft word occasionally.

I parked the car about a block's length away from Charlie's house and we made our way slowly on foot. I suppressed a surge of jealousy when Alice took Bella's hand. "_Mine!"_ my heart called and I realized that even the simplest gesture of affection between us would require patience. But I was resolved upon speaking to Bella when we positioned ourselves across the street from Charlie's house.

I spoke to her for the first time – directing her attention to her former home. In a hushed tone, I pointed out her bedroom and the window through which I used to climb to see her. I told her about the yellow kitchen in the back, where she would often make dinner for Charlie and how I would sometimes help her. I reminded her of what the living room looked like, where we would occasionally curl up together on the sofa and watch a movie. I looked down at Bella to see if any of this was registering with her, and my heart contracted.

Bella wasn't looking at Charlie's house. She was looking at the forest. Her arms were wrapped convulsively around her torso, her fingers clutched tightly to her sides. A look of misery came over her features and it almost seemed she was having trouble catching her breath. I had seen that posture before, in the taunting mind of Jacob Black. She looked up and for the first time addressed me directly, her voice steeped in pain. "You left me. You hurt me."


	10. Chapter 9 Decision

**Stephenie Meyer still owns the characters . . . **

Chapter 9 – Decision

We drove back to the house in silence. That old saying of "be careful what you wish for, you might get it" came back to me with a vengeance. I had wanted her to remember – well she remembered something all right.

I was definitely being punished for my sins. I used to think of my sins in the Biblical sense – murder, theft, covetousness. In my mind they now paled next to the crimes I had committed against Bella. Those were truly blasphemous.

I recognized what I was becoming. I had lived with this Edward before. I was starting to shut down – to withdraw – to become nothing more than a receptacle for the pain that gripped me. It was an apt punishment for my greatest crime, for hurting the most trusting, loving and selfless creature in the world. I coldly recognized that the rationale for my choice may have been admirable, but in the end it counted for nothing. The decision had not only been utterly wrong, since it had put Bella in even more danger, but it was also the direct causation of this current nightmare. My "noble sacrifice" was exposed as a fraud when seen in light of the shocking arrogance I had exhibited in substituting my judgment for Bella's wants and needs. And so I would pay without complaint.

I stopped the car in front of the house and opened the door for Alice and Bella. Bella quickly brushed past me, driving another stab of pain into my heart. I deserved it.

_Don't worry Edward, I will explain to Bella what happened and why we left. After all, you did have a good reason and technically, we all left her, _Alice tried to reassure me, but her eyes were worried as she took in my closed expression. I nodded. It didn't matter – this was my fate, my own personal hell.

The next week was more agony. Bella spent most of her time in her bedroom with Alice, Esme or Carlisle. The few times she joined the family in the living room she curled up next to Emmett, of all people. He would put his arm around her shoulders and talk to her in a casual manner. Once or twice she laughed with him and my gut clenched in envy. Rosalie seemed amused by Bella's preference. I had only my misery to embrace. It was my constant companion.

Alice reported that she had told Bella the story of us leaving town, and that she had accepted the reasons. But Bella's grief was still too fresh for her to want to spend time with me. Ironic, really, considering how effortlessly Bella had forgiven me the first time - far more easily than I had deserved. I knew that then – I knew it now. But this time I would get my just deserts - now that it was the only thing she could remember about her human life.

I started to see the looks of anxiety on the faces of my family whenever they turned in my direction. They knew this Edward, too. It was unfortunate they felt the need to make my pain theirs – they were not at fault. It was my penance, not theirs. I was too consumed to alleviate their fear.

After six or seven days – time no longer had much meaning for me – Carlisle approached me one evening and indicated he wanted to talk to me in private. We headed outside, the only place one can achieve privacy in a house full a vampires. We wandered directionless for a while. Carlisle finally spoke, "Edward, I think we should leave."

"Why," I asked, surprised. "Is there a problem with the wolves? Do they consider us in violation of the treaty?"

"No," Carlisle responded, "I spoke with Sam and he accepts that our clan was not at fault. They're obviously not happy about it, but do not blame us. No, I was unclear. What I meant is that I think the rest of us should leave, and you should stay here with Bella."

Alone with Bella - that brought equal parts of fear and excitement to my thoughts. "Why?" I automatically asked.

"It's complicated. I'm not even sure if it's the right thing to do. But I still believe, in spite of the recent setback, that you have the best chance to restore more of Bella's memories. The problem is she won't come near you."

_That's because I have to atone, _I thought. "Please continue," I added in my now perpetually controlled voice.

"Right now, Bella spends the majority of her time, and is most comfortable, with Alice and Esme. She appears to like me now – I believe she does see me as a father figure of sorts. For some strange reason, she's even happy around Emmett, whom she seems to regard as some sort of oversized cuddly toy. I don't believe she will turn to you unless we remove ourselves. I'm sorry Edward – I know this is hurtful," he added, seeing the despair reflected in my eyes.

"Carlisle, I will do whatever you think best for Bella – you know that," I conceded. "My feelings are irrelevant."

"Well, far from that. But to continue, I think that if you are the only source of comfort for her, she will seek you out. And in seeking you out, I am hopeful you will be able to trigger her memories in some way – some positive way," he amended. "I realize this is risky, but I'm not sure her condition will improve otherwise."

"Carlisle, what do you mean 'her condition'? Other than her memory loss, is there something wrong with Bella?"

"Well, yes and no. As I've indicated, her intellect is unimpaired. But when you remove all memory of human interaction, you are left with an . . . innocence . . . a naiveté . . . resulting from a lack of real world experience. It's as if a piece of her is missing. You know her far better than any of us. If we can't bring the old Bella back, then it makes sense, as her husband, that you should help her develop into a whole person. Ironically, it's like a throw-back to my time, when women, well girls really, were expected to be blank slates to be instructed and molded by their husbands."

"So I am to be her Pygmalion?" I asked horrified. "I don't want to form Bella into anything – I want my Bella back."

"I realize that, son, we all want that. And you should obviously keep trying. Expose her to books and music that she liked; play for her. Watch your favorite movies together. Although that last outing was something of a disaster, think about other places you could take her that might trigger a positive memory. Alice has put together some photographs and you may want to show them to Bella."

"What should I do if she asks questions, I mean, do I tell her what I know of her past," meaning, of course, may I tell her about us?

Carlisle understood. "I think you should tell her the truth, if you can, but do not declare your love for her unless you are prepared to take her as she is - knowing that she may never be the same Bella you first fell in love with. That would be the height of cruelty. And if she doesn't come back to us, you need to be prepared to help sculpt her into a more complete person, to use your analogy."

"There is one more thing," Carlisle added, "please try to get her to hunt. I know that's a tall order as well, but I'm worried about her. All our other efforts will be wasted if she doesn't learn to feed. We'll be departing in the morning. Esme and Alice are going to tell Bella shortly before we leave. I don't believe her reaction will be favorable, but I still think this is the best course. You should go hunting tonight – it may be a while before you have another opportunity."

Something else had been bothering me. "Carlisle, does Jacob Black know the situation? It had occurred to me that he may be able to trigger some of Bella's memories, but I'm reluctant to contact him now that she has become one of us." Much more than reluctant, really, but my desperation was making me consider all the possibilities.

"I hadn't mentioned this before, but Jacob asked, through Sam, if he could see Bella. I recommended against it." Relief flooded through me although I had to ask why.

"Primarily because Jacob is volatile, and I think it's a poor idea to expose Bella to strong emotions, particularly adverse ones. Sam thought Jacob wouldn't like it, but when I explained that I had to even limit your access to Bella, for the same basic reason, the pill became less bitter to swallow." The thought that Jacob would be positively gleeful, at least about that part of the situation, emerged before I could mentally suppress it as unworthy.

"But also," Carlisle added, "from what I understand of the past, Jacob can be manipulative when it comes to Bella's feelings. I'm not sure he's mature enough to consistently put Bella's needs before his own desires." I couldn't agree with that more, but it raised a question in my mind.

"Do you trust me?" I had as much motivation as Jacob Black to manipulate Bella's feelings and I wasn't exactly the least controlling person on the planet.

"Of course, Edward, or I wouldn't be suggesting this. You are well equipped to deal with this state of affairs – by training, by education, by temperament - most of all, because of your love for Bella." I recognized this as a pep talk.

"Where will you go?"

"Oh, yes. I decided we should head up to the new house in Alaska. I realize that isn't exactly next door, but we will all be only a phone call away, and I promise we will charter a plane and be here in a few hours if necessary. I think with Alice's foresight, we should have sufficient advance warning of any untoward events. After just having handed her over to us, it seems unlikely the Volturi will be looking to interfere in the near future."

As I took my leave and headed out to hunt, I noticed that the despair that had become second nature to me had receded just a tiny bit.


	11. Chapter 10 Comfort

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters . . . **

Chapter 10 – Comfort

The scene at the house in the morning exceeded my worst fears. Bella was more than upset by my family's pending departure. I would have classified her reaction as hysterical if I thought it was possible for a vampire to be in such a state.

I could hear Alice and Esme upstairs trying to reassure Bella and calm her down. _Edward will take care of you, dear, everything is going to be all right. I will call you Bella. Don't worry, it's just for a little while – we'll be back. _I stayed downstairs and walked around on eggshells. Terror was now obscuring the pain. It was funny, really, only I couldn't laugh. I was afraid of my own wife.

Preparing to leave, my family came downstairs with fearful eyes. Alice kissed me on the cheek and left with, _it will be fine Edward. Call me if you need me._ Esme hugged me and wished me luck. Jasper and Emmett both looked sad and uncomfortable. Rosalie just looked amused at my discomfiture. Before saying good-bye, Carlisle sent me his farewell thoughts. _I believe I said everything last night that I could to help. You'll do fine. Call me anytime if you need me. _The door closed, and I was alone in the house with Bella.

I had no idea what to do. She had calmed down some, but it sounded as if she were still upset. I opted for discretion, cowardice in truth, and decided to wait a little while before approaching her.

An hour or two after my family's departure, I made my way slowly up the stairs and knocked on the door of what was now Bella's room. "Bella," I softly called, "its Edward. May I come in?"

"Go away," she immediately responded, hurt lacing her voice. My heart contracted again.

Well, at least she had spoken to me for the first time in days. "Bella, I will be down the hall in my room," meaning that hateful guest room. "Please let me know if you need anything or just want to talk." No response was forthcoming.

I trudged down the hallway and sat on the floor where I could see the door to our former room. I had to admit, I was anxious. But at the same time I was quite excited. We were alone in the house and I was hopeful that at some point Bella would have to turn to me, even if it was in desperation.

I tried to keep my thoughts productive. I started considering the suggestions Carlisle had offered last night. I knew many of Bella's favorite books, although she was always in dire need of new ones. Certainly we could start with Jane Austen and move on to the other classics from there. That would keep us busy for a while. And I wanted to play for her as soon as possible. I was eager to see whether she would react to her lullaby. I was thankful I had spent two full days shortly after we met grilling her like the Spanish inquisition. I knew many of her favorite things and looked forward to re-introducing them to her. Would she still love white roses? I would order some for her. Maybe I could take her shopping on-line and let her buy some books or clothes. Perhaps she wouldn't remember how much she hated me spending money on her – that would be a plus.

When it came to places to take her, my thoughts were not as encouraging. It was difficult coming up with one place that wouldn't have some negative experience associated with it. I couldn't take her to La Push, even if all her memories were happy, and I knew they were not. I certainly wasn't taking her anywhere near that damn cliff. Although we had our first "date" in Port Angeles, it had only been after Bella was almost assaulted there. I didn't want to dredge that memory up for either of our sakes. School could very well remind her of the many months she endured it without me by her side, or perhaps even of our first day sitting together in biology, which would be another disaster. The baseball field was where James and the others had shown up, not to mention our fight with the newborns.

The only place left was our meadow. But even our favorite place wasn't completely untainted. I had learned that the meadow was where Bella was almost attacked by Laurent, although I never did hear the whole story. I wasn't terribly sure why she went there alone to begin with, but I had a feeling it wasn't good. It was truly distressing when you toted up the number of dangers and near-disasters to which Bella had been exposed. In the end, I decided that, given the chance, I would take her to our meadow and hopefully some of the wonderful memories of that place would emerge. I knew I would never forget one word or a single touch that had occurred there.

I had been so caught up in my musing I only just noticed that the sun was setting. I decided to make another attempt at speaking with Bella. I knocked softly on her door and asked again, "Bella, are you all right? May I come in?" There was no response at all this time. I sighed and went back to the guest room.

The days followed a pattern after that. Every morning and every evening I would knock on Bella's door and request admittance. My voice became more pleading every time, and I wondered how long it would be before I was down on my knees literally begging her. I would gladly do it without hesitation. I would do anything.

Towards evening on the third or fourth day – the tedium had caused me to lose count - I was lying on the guest room bed, my hands supporting my head, absorbed in my ever darkening thoughts. I had missed the noise of her passage down the hall, if she had made any, so I was taken aback when Bella appeared in the doorway. I started, but then cautioned myself to stay perfectly still, moving only my head to look in her direction. I smiled at her in genuine delight and relief.

I was afraid that if I spoke she would bolt like a wild animal, so I held my tongue. Bella didn't speak either. After a time, it seemed like hours, she began walking towards the bed, very slowly. Her face was guarded and her body was tense. I suppressed my astonishment when she slid onto the bed and, perhaps even more gradually, began crawling towards me. I held my breath and followed her movements with hopeful eyes. She paused for one seemingly interminable moment, and then suddenly lowered herself down on the bed, putting her head on my shoulder and snuggling into my side. More carefully than perhaps I had ever moved before, I lifted my arm and curved it around Bella's back, my hand coming to rest lightly on her shoulder. And although I realized that this was just the act of a frightened and lonely creature seeking whatever comfort there was to be found, I still sighed in perfect happiness.

I glanced out the window and noticed it was twilight.


	12. Chapter 11 Getting Reacquainted

**These are Stephenie Meyer's characters . . . **

Chapter 11 - Getting Reacquainted

We lay on the bed together without speaking for an untold time. I could rarely remember being so content, lying quietly, softly stroking Bella's arm - that same arm that was now casually thrown across my abdomen. Eventually, we became more comfortable with each other.

It could have been hours or days that passed before Bella tilted her head up to look at me. I uttered the most intelligent word I could think of at that moment: "Hi". She timidly smiled at me. I loved her so much in that instant that the world could have ceased spinning and I wouldn't have cared.

She had a curiously thoughtful look on her face – unfortunately, though, not one of recognition as I initially hoped. Surprising me as usual, she lifted her face and pressed her nose against my neck, inhaling deeply. "You smell so good," she announced as she relaxed against my side once more.

"Thank you," I responded, another exercise in profundity on my part.

Having taken the time to absorb that exchange, she placed her hand at the nape of my neck and lifting her head, raised my face to her own neck. "Do I smell good?"

I took my time, nuzzling her neck, repeatedly drawing in deep breaths, enjoying the moment more than I could say. "You smell wonderful, but then you always have." With every intake of her scent I could feel the strain of the past few weeks leaving my body.

"Really?" Bella seemed terribly pleased with the notion.

"Yes, sweetheart, really." My silent heart was now dancing.

"I didn't think you would be so nice," she declared after a moment. And then her fingers started innocently playing with a button on my shirt. I was relieved to notice her engagement ring, having been transferred to make room for her wedding band, still sparkled on her delicate right hand.

I covered her hand with mine before hypothetical beads of sweat could form on my brow. "People should be nice to you – you're very sweet," I countered. Stupidly, it only just occurred to me that she had all too good a reason to think I wouldn't be so nice. Her thoughts were elsewhere, though.

"Those people in Italy weren't very nice to me," she mumbled.

I tried not to stiffen noticeably, desiring that Bella not be the one to feel my anger. "I'm very sorry to hear that. I cannot imagine anyone being unkind to you."

"Heidi was mean to me – she didn't like me. I was afraid of her. I was afraid of them all, especially Felix."

It took more effort to hide my reaction when I heard that. "He didn't hurt you, did he Bella?"

"No. But he was always trying to touch me, and I didn't like that. I told Aro, and he made Felix stay away from me."

I silently vowed to dismember Felix the next time I saw him. "Bella, I haven't always been successful at it, but I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to make sure no one ever hurts you again and to keep you safe. I don't want you to ever be frightened again." The words were like gall to me, when I considered all the times I had failed to keep her from harm. I pushed the thought away and concentrated on Bella.

"'Kay" she replied in a contented voice. A few more moments passed in companionable silence.

"Bella, is there anything you would like to do?"

"No. I was lonely before. Right now I'm happy just lying here with you. Is that okay?"

I responded quickly to allay any fears of rejection she might have. "It's more than okay, Bella. It's wonderful. I'm very happy here with you as well." My heart was singing as well as dancing now.

Although we had spoken so few words to one another, I noticed one obvious change. Bella was, in effect, just getting to know me, and yet she was freely admitting feelings that would have required, in the past, much more effort on my part to elicit. The absence of "social skills," for lack of a better expression, was apparently causing her to be much less inhibited in that respect. Not necessarily a bad thing, I thought, and then felt oddly disloyal, but I didn't really have the motivation to explore that concept right now. I was just exceedingly thankful that she had sought me out in spite of her one recovered memory.

I wondered what Bella had recalled of our conversation in the forest. Did she remember anything that came before that horrific moment? I chastized myself for not asking Alice more about it. I had been so busy wallowing in guilt and misery that I hadn't bothered to inquire - a regrettable oversight. At that moment, I knew it was imperative that I find out what Bella had remembered of that event. I cringed at the thought of asking, not wanting to hurt her with the memory, but I needed to know.

I slowly adjusted our positions so that we were facing each other on the bed. Bella's eyes widened, but she didn't protest. It took a minute to gather my courage. I inhaled deeply before finally speaking.

"Bella, I don't want to remind you of hurtful events, and I'm sorry for asking this, but please tell me what you remembered about our conversation in the forest?"

Bella dropped her eyes from my face, and I cursed inwardly.

"Please, Bella. I need to know how much of that time you remembered. I understand it's painful – it is for me, too. But it's very important. Please tell me," I pleaded.

She didn't look up at me, but she did finally respond in a quiet voice. "I remembered that you told me you didn't want me anymore and that you were leaving. Other than that, it was just feelings that came back to me. It hurt so much . . . " she trailed off.

I swallowed my remorse and softly stroked Bella's hair in an attempt to comfort her. "Bella, leaving you was the greatest mistake I ever made, and not a day has gone by since then that I haven't regretted it." Her eyes flew up to meet mine.

"It's true, Bella. I won't try to justify the decision, but I promise I will tell you all about it eventually. For the moment, I just want you to know this: it was utterly false when I said I didn't want to be your . . . friend anymore. And even though I lied then, I need for you to trust me now. It's more important than ever, Bella."

"Why?" she asked, searching my eyes.

"Because I want to help you recover all your memories. I assure you, that you had many, many happy times, and there are some wonderful experiences that I'm certain you would love to recall."

During this exchange a plan had been taking shape in my mind. I would start at the beginning and tell Bella our whole story, every detail. I would add to it every day. And along the way, I would try to expose her to circumstances similar to those which had accompanied the actual event. Well, the good parts, anyway. I had no idea if this was the correct approach, but it somehow felt right. If she agreed, we would begin at first light, with the new day. I suddenly realized Bella hadn't responded.

"Bella, do you want to recover your memories?"

"Yes, more than anything else," she admitted.

"Bella, do you want me to help you?"

She nodded.

"Bella . . . will you trust me?"

First she sighed, and then looking up at me, replied simply, "Yes, Edward."

My arms tightened around her and for the first time, in a long time, I thrilled to the sound of Bella saying my name.


	13. Chapter 12 Reliving the Past

**Stephenie Meyer owns these characters . . . **

Chapter 12 – Reliving the Past

At sunrise, I told Bella that we would start her first "memory lesson". Although I was reluctant to end our extremely pleasant idling, I picked her up from the bed and carried her downstairs in my arms. As I sat her on a sofa in the living room, she looked at me curiously.

"Why did you carry me?"

I sat next to her on the sofa and put my arm around her. I didn't have a good answer. "Because I wanted to – I hope you don't mind."

"I don't mind."

I remembered with perfect clarity the first time she had said those words to me standing outside her classroom at Forks High School. I smiled in remembrance, before reminding myself we had a task to undertake. I was actually quite excited about my plan. It seemed to me that even if everything I did failed to trigger a memory, Bella would still gain some insight into her history. At the same time, I had been reminded enough of late how egregious my errors of the past had been. So I naturally felt some degree of unease as to whether I was taking the right course. I could only blunder ahead.

"Bella, I've thought about this quite a lot. It seems like a good idea for me to recount to you what I know of your past. I'd like to start at the beginning and continue from there until the present day. Would you like that?"

"Yes, Edward, I would like that very much." I smiled at her and couldn't resist pressing a light kiss to her temple. Then I chided myself for being too forward.

"Edward, did you just kiss me?" Bella inquired sweetly.

"I did, I suppose. I'm sorry. I should have asked first." For a moment there, I felt like I was back in 1918 and that I would be slapped for my impertinence.

"I don't mind," Bella said again, and those had suddenly become my three favorite words.

If I was going to continue to think clearly, I needed to put some space between us. I removed myself from the sofa and pulled a chair over so I was facing her, and looked directly into her eyes. "So, I thought we would start with the time before you came to Forks. Although I do not know many details of your childhood, I will tell you what I do know."

"'Kay," Bella answered, her eyes trained on mine.

"Everything I know about your early years you told me yourself. And although this is moving ahead in the story a bit, shortly after we became friends I spent a couple of days asking you a lot of questions. So some of the information I am relaying to you I learned at that time." Bella seemed enraptured.

And so I conveyed to her what I knew about her life in Phoenix, which wasn't terribly much, but I did remember clearly her telling me about her love for the dry, sunny days, the smells and landscape of her home, and the desert and its sparse flora, and I passed that along to her now. I told Bella that I would refresh her memory as to our more specific conversations on this subject as they took place in our story. I also told her how she used to spend her childhood summers in Forks with Charlie, and that if she liked, I would take her to Charlie's house and show her the pictures of her as she was growing up that hung on his walls. Bella just nodded, and I started to wonder how she felt about all this.

"Bella, I'm sorry I don't know that much about the time before you came here. Am I upsetting you?"

"No, Edward, but it is strange. We can talk about it afterward. I'd like to hear more now."

I was reluctant to move forward, because the next memories would be those of our first meeting. It wasn't exactly something of which I was proud. I felt the need to prepare Bella.

"Bella, Carlisle told me that you understand the differences between humans and our kind. I believe he also told you about the choices we have made, with respect to our feeding habits. Is that correct?"

"Yes." The mention of feeding had Bella looking uncomfortable.

Well, of course you know that up until recently, you were human." I tried not to choke on the words.

"Yes, I know." Her answer didn't indicate her feelings about that.

"So, please recall, that you were human when all I'm going to tell you was taking place," I added. Bella nodded.

I took her hand in mind before I started, feeling the need for contact with her. "I'm going to tell you about the first time I saw you."

Bella nodded solemnly.

"I just need to ask you one more question first. Did Carlisle tell you I can hear what people are thinking, except for you, of course?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure I understand."

"Well, in my human life, I was very sensitive to the thoughts of others. Some part of that was enhanced when I was changed, and now I can hear what people are thinking. I never met anyone whose mind I couldn't access, until I met you."

Bella's eyes widened, but she didn't respond.

"I'm telling you that now, because it's important to the story. I suppose you can just imagine how superior that made me feel, always knowing what people were thinking. And then, one day at Forks High, when every mind at the school was buzzing with word of the new arrival, one Isabella Swan, I saw you across the cafeteria. I remember thinking then how . . . vulnerable you looked. It made me feel something I had never felt before. I wanted to . . . protect you – rather an odd reaction from a vampire in relation to a human. On top of that, I suddenly realized that I couldn't hear your thoughts. It was maddening. The all-seeing Edward Cullen stymied by a slip of a girl." I shook my head in remembrance.

Bella watched me with rapt eyes as I continued to play with her fingers. The next part would be difficult. I wondered if Bella could see the shame I felt having to make this confession.

"It turns out though, that the person you needed protection from most was . . . me." That was true in so many ways I couldn't begin to count them. And I admitted to Bella how her blood called to me, and recounted the agonizing struggle I endured to prevent myself from hurting her. When I gathered enough courage to look into her eyes, I saw sympathy, instead of the contempt I expected. And because that reaction was so . . . Bella, I smiled at her in recognition. Some things, at least, had not changed.

"What happened next?" Bella asked excitedly. My smile broadened.

"I ran away." She looked surprised, and then laughed. I laughed too, an irresistible reaction to her happiness, and then quickly kissed her hand. And so I described my week of isolation in Alaska, during which I managed to convince myself that some insignificant teenage girl could not possibly be a threat to unyielding control of the great Edward Cullen. Bella smiled in appreciation of my self-deprecating humor.

I decided I had given her enough to think about for one day. "Why don't we go to ou . . . your room and listen to some music," I suggested. "I'll play you some songs you used to like."

"Okay," she replied, taking my hand and letting me lead her up the stairs. I played a few CDs for her, and most of them still met her approval. Eventually, she took my hand and pulled me onto the bed, cuddling up next to me. My arms automatically moved to circle her body.

I was, of course, extremely pleased that Bella was so willing to touch me and be close to me. At the same time, it was somewhat . . . challenging. I understood she was only seeking to ease her loneliness and fear, but I had experienced the incredible beauty of physical love with her. While my brain was ruthlessly expunging any thoughts of a carnal nature, my body kept reminding me that Bella was my wife. I realized with frustrated amusement that we had come full circle. Here she was in my arms, wreaking havoc with my self-control once again.


	14. Chapter 13 More Lessons

**These are Stephenie Meyer's characters . . . **

Chapter 13 – More Lessons

In the morning, I took our story forward. We reassumed our seats from yesterday and I began telling Bella about my return from Alaska, and my determination to solve the enigma that was Bella Swan. She looked eager with anticipation.

"I saw you the day I returned to school, outside the classroom buildings and in the cafeteria, and I realize now that my fascination with you had already begun. I would never have admitted it then – at the time I attributed it to my desire to understand why I was unable to hear your thoughts. But in hindsight, you had already captured my imagination. So I began to pay close attention to the thoughts of those with whom you spoke, trying to learn more about you. That was . . . annoying. And, of course, with my vampire hearing, I listened to your actual conversations whenever possible. I was looking forward to speaking with you in class. I was sure that once I did," and here I looked up with a sheepish smile, "you would not be worthy of all this consternation on my part. That was the first time you proved me wrong, the beginning of a pattern, I'm afraid."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked quietly.

"Well, you'll have to wait for the other times, but the first time I began to question my assumptions was when we finally spoke in Biology. I'm sorry to admit that I didn't set out to like you. That may sound harsh, but I think in the beginning, I really wanted to confirm that you _were_ just like everybody else, and not worthy at all of my growing . . . obsession. Of course, the only way I had of doing that was by actually speaking with you, since your thoughts were obscured. I started by politely introducing myself, hoping I could erase your first impression of me."

"What was my first impression of you?"

"Well, I didn't know it at the time, although I could certainly make an educated guess. But to put it simply, I scared you with my dark looks and strange behavior. I'm ashamed to admit that you thought I hated you." In so many ways, it would have been better for Bella had she continued to be afraid of me and avoided my company. How many times I had wished it so. But those thoughts were not for today.

I continued. "We had a lab that day, which between the two of us we quickly finished, leaving us with an opportunity to talk. That's when I first learned how intelligent you are. I was impressed."

Bella smiled shyly, but then a look of sadness came into her eyes. I made a mental note to ask about it later.

"And then, the more we spoke, the more fascinated I became. I found your reactions to be so unexpected. If I was hoping to find reasons to dismiss my initial attraction, I was sadly heading in the wrong direction. Furthermore, I also underestimated your powers of observation. I had needed to hunt much more before seeing you again and it lightened the color of my eyes. You noticed it immediately, disconcerting me again."

"What did we talk about?" Bella naturally asked.

"Primarily, we talked about why you moved to Forks." And I recounted to her the sacrifice she had made on behalf of her mother, how unhappy she was living in Forks, and what remarkable maturity and selflessness she had shown.

"Why was I unhappy?" Bella inquired.

"Well, you missed the sun, for one thing – you hated the wet and cold of Forks. And being the new girl at school made you the center of attention, which you really despised." I chuckled briefly.

"I was the center of attention?" she asked in confusion.

"Yes, you were. Half of the boys in school were already trying to capture your heart on the first day, while the girls were either jealous or hoping to improve their social position by basking in your light."

In a very Bella-like manner, she rolled her eyes and shook her head. Okay, she still couldn't take a compliment. I promised myself at the appropriate time to convince her how beautiful she was and looked forward to the task.

"It was the next day when all the drama started. The roads were icy, and when you arrived at school - I noticed of course - you went to look at something on the back of your truck." And having been prepared for it ahead of time, I showed Bella the picture of her truck I had found in the photographs that Alice had gathered before she left. "Yes, this old monstrosity."

Bella laughed. "I like it. It's funny though, I can't picture myself driving something like this."

No memories there, then. "Well, you loved that dilapidated pile of rust for some unfathomable reason." And I told Bella the story of saving her from being crushed by Tyler Crowley's van, and how I had exposed my entire family to risk by doing so. And in explanation for my actions, I repeated the words I had thought to myself at the time: "Not her."

When I looked up at her, Bella was staring at me with shining eyes. But this time, I wasn't prepared to have her think of me as a hero for even a minute. So I continued to recount to her our disagreement at the hospital, and how horrified I had been that I had given her ammunition against not just me, but my entire family. And I reluctantly admitted that her knowing there was something extremely suspicious about the Cullens gave impetus to the notion that I should take her life. "But then, you have first hand knowledge of the laws that prohibit us from revealing our existence, so I guess you understand that."

Bella looked down, but gave a brief nod.

"So you see, Bella, I could never get anything past you. You always seemed to know, or at least suspect, when I was less than forthcoming, which in those days was quite often, I'm sorry to say." And that made me want to inquire as to the look I had seen in her eyes earlier.

"Bella, why did you look so sad before, when I was talking about Biology class?"

It took a moment for her to answer, and she wouldn't meet my eyes. Finally, she spoke and her voice sounded smaller than usual. "What you said about me before – about being intelligent – and just now about being able to see through you; it made me wish that I was still that way."

She tried to remove her hand from mine, and I let her. But only so I could scoop her up and reposition us on the sofa, setting her on my lap and tucking her head under my chin. I held her tightly in my arms as I struggled to find the right words to allay her fears, but knew it was vital that I do so.

"Bella, nothing has changed in that regard. You are just as intelligent as you always were. Carlisle confirmed that and I see it every day." Bella seemed about to voice a protest, but I wouldn't hear it. "Sweetheart, believe me, you are just as clever and fascinating and wonderful as you've always been. You need to trust me on this. But then, and I've told you this before, you never did see yourself clearly."

"I didn't?" Bella asked with a note of hopefulness in her voice.

"No, never. So you see, some things have not changed at all." After a moment, I shifted her in my arms, and I lightly stroked her face while searching her eyes. Bella looked back at me intently, expectantly. My gaze moved to her lips, and the temptation to kiss her was overwhelming. It was too soon, though. So I contented myself with embracing her in my arms and holding on for dear life.

* * *


	15. Chapter 14 We Try Again

**All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer . . . **

Chapter 14 - We Try Again

During the night, I had taken Bella over to the high school to show her around and provide her a context in which she could place the last memory as well as future stories I would convey to her. I had hoped it would help, but from time to time I could see the anxiety in her eyes as she desperately sought some sense of recognition which was apparently eluding her. I tried to reassure Bella that one way or another her memories would come back – either they would be triggered by my retelling or learned anew. I tried to convince myself that it wouldn't matter which way it happened, that Bella would eventually be the same.

The next day, I began to talk to Bella about the time after our argument at the hospital, when I tried to ignore her presence and nip in the bud my growing feelings for her, for both of our sakes. I reminded her that she kept her word about the truth of my "heroism," never revealing to anyone the impossibility of my rescue or even hinting that there was anything peculiar about it or me - and how that made me admire her all the more.

I admitted to Bella that the period during which we didn't speak was, in a way, the hardest time I had ever known up to that point. Bella looked surprised at that and wanted to know more.

"Well, before I met you, I had not believed that I needed anyone else – I didn't even recognize that there was something missing in my life. And here you came along, and after only a few brief encounters I was enamored of you. You had captivated my senses in so many ways. I couldn't stop thinking about you. As the days went by, it became more and more difficult to ignore you. I was growing resentful with my family, feeling that it was an imposition of their will that was keeping me separated from you. I was dejected at having to come to school, sit next to you every day and pretend I didn't want anything to do with you. I'm afraid it resulted in some rather strange behavior on my part."

"Like what?" Bella asked with a smile. She looked fascinated.

I'm sure the expression on my face conveyed my embarrassment. "I spied on you sometimes."

Bella's sharp intake of breath revealed she wasn't expecting that admission. "You spied on me – how?" Was she upset?

I observed you at school of course, to the extent I could do so surreptitiously, and listened in on conversations you had. I know that doings of that nature may sound offensive to you, but I was charged with being my family's ears and eyes when it came to protecting our secret. And, of course, I really thought it wouldn't matter if I watched you, since I was sure then that nothing would ever change our relationship, or rather the lack of one. So sometimes I would keep an eye on you outside of school, when I knew you couldn't see me."

"After a few weeks of giving you the cold shoulder, I was spiraling further and further into misery. I knew I was starting to break, that I wouldn't be able to maintain it for much longer. Then a day came when a boy at school, Mike Newton, who used to follow you around with his tongue hanging out, approached you in Biology and asked you to a school dance." I showed Bella a picture of Mike Newton from Alice's yearbook, but she just shook her head and sighed.

"What did I say?" Bella asked with interest.

I told her how she had refused not only Mike, but two other offers in the same day, and while I laughed at her evident frustration of having to deal with all these unwelcome invitations, I was both desperate to know why and much more thankful than I should have been when she refused them all. And I confessed that later that night, no longer able to control my desire and curiosity, for the first time I came to her house unbeknownst to her to watch her sleep. "You used to talk in your sleep, Bella."

"I did?" she questioned, eyes wide. And I perceived a certain oncoming sense of mortification, not unlike the first time I admitted to eavesdropping on her sleep talking. I tried to reassure her.

"Yes, and you were adorable," I confirmed. And I told her that she said my name in her sleep that night, and how I knew I could no longer bring myself to stay away from her. And so I came back to school the next day, resolved to win her . . . regard. I did not confess that by then, I was already falling in love with her. That would have to wait.

"I cannot tell you what a confusing time it was for me, Bella. I found myself more and more attracted to a human girl, one that tempted me as no other had ever done. And the temptation to associate with you was overtaking that for your blood. I wanted to stay away from you, because I was worried about your safety in my company. But I wasn't strong enough. Once I found you, I discovered that my self-satisfied life had been hollow in so many ways."

Bella was quiet, thoughtful. I cringed inwardly, afraid I had said too much. I tried to downplay my feelings. "The next morning, I started speaking with you again. And so, our friendship began." I hesitated for a moment before asking the inevitable question between us, "What are you thinking?"

"Well," she began, "as I said before it's so strange. Some part of me feels like I ought to remember the things you tell me – it's like I'm always chasing this faint sense of familiarity. But for the most part, you could be telling me about events that happened to a total stranger." She looked into my eyes and whispered with regret, "I'm so sorry, Edward."

I drew her forcefully into my arms and stroked her hair from her face. "Bella, Bella, you have no reason to be sorry," I choked with emotion. "It's not your fault – you are not to blame in any way. I only want you to be happy, Bella. You don't ever have to feel bad about not remembering. You only have to learn to be happy again." I pulled away and searched her eyes. I was relieved to see trust reflected there.

"Let's do something else, now, okay?" I asked.

"Okay. Like what?"

"Why don't we read one of your favorite books together?" I produced a copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ and presented it to her with a smile. Bella nodded eagerly. So we spent the next several hours reading aloud to one another. I eventually assumed the role of Darcy, while Bella's voice became more animated when she recited the lines of Elizabeth. And when Mr. Darcy professed his love for Miss Elizabeth Bennett, I no longer had to restrain my passion.


	16. Chapter 15 A Small Surprise

**The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer . . . **

Chapter 15 - A Small Surprise

A certain formula began to rule our days. We spent part of each morning in "memory lessons." In the afternoons, we would read books and plays together – the classical romances were swiftly becoming my favorites. I played Romeo to her Juliet, Ernest to her Gwendolen, Rochester to her Jane, Cyrano to her Roxane. I thrilled to the opportunities they presented to express my real feelings, albeit in another's guise. I wondered if Bella noticed when my voice would suddenly take on a truer note.

In the evenings, we would go upstairs to the room that had once again become ours and listen to music. We would start with more current music, but always ended with classical, which soon became Bella's cue to shyly take my hand and lead me to our bed. She would cuddle up to my side while I held her in my arms. We rarely spoke during those times – we simply took quiet comfort in each other's company. It was the most enjoyable part of our day for me.

I continued to introduce Bella to new experiences as I told our story. After informing her about the fainting incident in Biology, being very careful not to mention it was her unusual ability to smell human blood that had been the cause, I played _Clair de Lune_ for the first time. I related how much it had amazed me when she recognized Debussy playing on the CD player in my Volvo, not a piece of music with which your typical teenager would be familiar. She learned to love it anew.

I related how she continuously surprised me as we became further acquainted – her level of maturity, the diversity of her interests, and her unfortunate ability to attract accidents like a magnet.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked, confused.

"Sweetheart, I am sorry to have to tell you this," I said with a smile, "but you were perhaps the clumsiest human I ever saw." Bella looked embarrassed. I added quickly, "It was one of your most endearing qualities, at least when it didn't endanger your life." I stroked her cheek with my fingers in reassurance and she smiled uncertainly.

"I think it was one of the reasons I felt so protective of you. You seemed utterly incapable of taking care of yourself. In contrast, your mental agility alarmed me in a completely different way."

Bella looked at me quizzically.

"From our earliest encounters, you recognized that there was something 'different' about me. It was one of the reasons I tried to push you away – I feared that you were perceptive enough to arrive at the truth on your own. Eventually, though, you received help from an unexpected quarter."

I felt reluctant to continue our story, including as it would the introduction of Jacob Black. I knew there was no way around it, however, and his role at that point was vital. So I forged ahead.

"I had left town for a weekend. You had plans to go to First Beach with Mike Newton and some others. While you were there, you ran into a . . . family friend – one of the teenagers from the Quileute tribe whose father was a friend of Charlie's. That's when you learned our secret – about our true nature - from Jacob. Do you remember anything about Jacob Black, Bella?" I held my breath, thinking how painful it would be if she remembered him and not me.

After a moment, Bella shook her head and urged me to continue. Even more hesitantly, I turned the story to Port Angeles. I was surprised at the echo of fury that I felt even now.

As I told her of the events in Port Angeles, Bella's eyes widened and she looked afraid. I took her in my arms, stroking her hair as I hurried to the next part of the story, devoting more time to our discussion in the restaurant and during the ride home. "And then you said something that truly astonished me." I had relaxed my embrace so I could lean her back and look at her face. That may have been a mistake, as I found myself lost in Bella's eyes, the desire to kiss her overwhelming me again.

"What?" Bella prompted, interrupting my reverie. I assumed she was referring to my last comment, as opposed to my obvious loss of concentration. I put some more space between us.

"To be honest, you surprised me in many ways that night. First of all, I kept waiting for you to go into shock, but in spite of the terrifying experience you had, you were incredibly calm. I couldn't understand you at all." Bella laughed. "Next, you had pretty much figured out on your own that I could hear people's thoughts, and you somehow understood that you were the exception to the rule. Your powers of observation were astounding, really. But most amazing, you told me that it didn't matter what I was." I shook my head at the memory.

"So why was that a problem?" Bella asked, frowning.

"Don't you see, Bella? A normal person would have been running away screaming by that point. But not Bella Swan – oh no. Instead of being afraid of sitting in an enclosed space with a vampire who was thirsting after your blood, the only thing that scared you was that I drove too fast." I couldn't help chuckling, and Bella thought it was funny, too. "The way you reacted to things was totally unexpected. You certainly had no sense of self-preservation. I was forced to upgrade your status from "accident magnet" to "danger magnet" after that night." How true that turned out to be . . .

Over the next few days, I continued telling Bella about the interrogation sessions we had held during our next few meetings, each striving to learn more about the other. I relayed to Bella our discussions in full, and she paid rapt attention. At the end of our last session I went out on the porch to find the delivery I expected. I presented her with 24 white roses, in full bloom, arranged in a crystal vase.

Bella's reaction was utter delight. Her hand flew up to cover her open mouth, as if in disbelief that the roses could possibly be intended for her. She cried excitedly, "Oh Edward! They're so beautiful!" But my focus was on her beauty as she leaned down to inhale their scent.

I placed them on a table for her next to the sofa. Bella sat down and tentatively ran a finger across one delicate bloom. When she turned her attention back to me, her eyes were thoughtful. "Why, Edward?"

I dissembled. I was courting her, but I couldn't admit it. "You told me they were your favorite. I hope you still like them."

"I love them. Thank you." And she rose from the sofa and threw her arms around my neck to give me a hug. I buried my face in her neck, and inhaled my own favorite scent.


	17. Chapter 16 Vows

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters . . . **

Chapter 16 - Vows

During our "quiet time" that night, my mind was anything but calm. I had gotten to the point in our story where Bella and I had gone to the meadow. It occurred to me that the pace of my tale had slowed of late, and I now understood that I was unconsciously trying to delay this moment.

My plan was to take Bella to the meadow and relate in detail what had transpired there. But I was afraid. And fear was not the sole emotion that dogged my thoughts.

The only worry I had managed to wholly alleviate was the one that Carlisle had raised before he left. He had told me not to declare my love for Bella without being prepared to accept and love her as she now was. If there had ever been any doubt on that point, there was no longer. Of course I wish there had been no change in Bella, but I couldn't help loving her in any event. And even if that was not true, I had taken a vow to love her forever. Nothing could make me rescind those words. As long as she wanted me, I would be there for her. Hell, I would be there for her whether she wanted me or not. _For better, for worse . . . _

There was also the completely illogical notion that would creep in from time to time that somehow by loving this Bella, I was being . . . disloyal to my wife. Almost as if I was guilty of some sort of infidelity. I knew it wasn't rational, but I couldn't completely dispel the idea. I'm sure it arose because of the changes in Bella's personality, which sometimes made her seem as if she were a different person. I just needed to get beyond these thoughts. It was easier if I compared Bella's current condition to a form of illness. Within that context, I would certainly not be thinking of my wife as two different people, or that one version deserved to be loved more than the other. _In sickness and in health . . . _

Which led to another thought that had troubled me lately - was it right for me to try to win her love under the circumstances? Unlike the first time, Bella was not being exposed to any influence but mine. At the moment, she was utterly dependent on me. I thought I could make her fall in love with me, but was it right to do so when she had virtually no other choices? I could only conclude that since Bella had chosen me above all others before, it would have to serve as validation for my actions now. It would be important, I thought, to make sure Bella knew that she did not have to return my love in order to keep mine – that my love was unconditional and eternal, regardless of how she felt about me. _To love and to cherish . . . _

Bella stirred against me and my arms automatically tightened around her, making me more aware of the curves of her alluring body. This, too, this physical . . . proximity, was also invading my thoughts more frequently. It would be so easy to roll over, capture her with the weight of my body and kiss her senseless. I wouldn't be greedy, I thought. To kiss her lips without reserve just once or twice, to taste her again, would be heaven. I stifled a groan. My traitorous thoughts were tempting me to dishonor. It occurred to me that I probably could advance my progress with Bella if I did pursue a closer physical relationship with her. At this point though, it would be tantamount to seduction. I gritted my teeth and inwardly made another vow. I would not reclaim my wife until I was certain, one way or another, that she loved me and wanted my . . . attentions. Anything less would make a mockery of the feelings I had for her, and after the bliss of our honeymoon, I knew that any experience without equally shared passion, freely given and received, would pale in comparison. As Bella would be the only one I would ever want, I would need to be very patient. _Forsaking all others . . . _

So, I had for the moment dealt with my concerns, barring one. What was left was simply the abject fear of rejection. What would Bella's response be when I told her I loved her then and loved her still? What if she reacted with indifference, distaste, or for that matter, any emotion other than pleasure? There were so many possibilities, but only one would secure my happiness. I resolved to find out. I would take Bella to the meadow in the next few days. I was hoping for a clear day, as I thought the sight of sunlight reflecting from my skin could possibly evoke a memory. But I would not wait long. In the meantime, there was another problem I wanted to try to address.

I repositioned us so that Bella and I were facing each other. She looked up at me, questioning me with her eyes. I softly stroked her hair from her face. "Bella, I need to hunt."

The change to a look of fear was instantaneous. "I can go by myself, if you like, but I hate to leave you here alone." There, let her think this was all about my needs and not put any pressure on her. "I would prefer it if you would come with me."

Bella didn't say a word, but I could see the various emotions flitting across her face. I continued to stroke her hair, hoping to keep her calm. Eventually she said, "I'll come with you."

"Thank you, Bella."

"When did you want to go?" she inquired.

"Well, there's no time like the present," I responded with a grin. "We won't go far," I added reassuringly. I rolled off the bed and took her hand before she could change her mind.

We returned a few hours later, and my small victory made me feel triumphant. She hadn't hunted, and she hadn't killed, but she had fed. I'm not sure I could say she enjoyed it, but she did appear to be more energetic. I was completely satisfied. In fact, on some primal level it felt good to be her provider. I would hunt for her every day of eternity if necessary. I would do anything to spend eternity with Bella.

_For as long as you both shall live . . . _


	18. Chapter 17 Declaration

**Stephenie Meyer really owns these people . . . **

Chapter 17 – Declaration

I called Alice to find out if any sunny days were in our immediate future. She indicated that tomorrow there would be some sun in the afternoon. I didn't ask to speak with Carlisle – more cowardice – I didn't want to be told I was doing the wrong thing. I asked Alice to relay to Carlisle that Bella had fed and she responded in usual Alice fashion – "I already did."

I couldn't help asking Alice if she could see anything. "Sorry, Edward – there's just too much indecision."

Before ending the conversation, she let me know that she was "covering" for Bella with Charlie and Renee, arranging for postcards with appropriate postmarks and the like in order to continue the ruse that Bella was on an extended honeymoon. I thanked her and signed off.

A little later, Bella calmly asked, "Edward, will you tell me what happened next in the story?" When she said things like that, it made me wonder how much she related to her own background. I knew she understood we were talking about her, but what feelings did it evoke?

"I thought we would take a day off, if you don't mind. Tomorrow I'm going to take you somewhere and tell you the next part." Bella looked concerned. "Don't worry; it's a place you'll like." I smiled at her and kissed her fingers.

The temptation to touch her was overwhelming today. I recognized that it was the fear that after tomorrow, she might pull away from me. It was taking all my control to keep our contact casual.

We spent a lazy day together. Trying to stack the cards in my favor a bit, I suggested we watch some movies together. I rummaged through Alice's DVD collection for romances. We watched the latest version of _Pride and Prejudice_, then moved on to _When Harry Met Sally_ and _Notorious,_ movies where the concept of a "second chance" was present to some degree. We curled up together on the sofa, and I was completely happy watching Bella's reactions to the movies. At least until my thoughts turned to the new day.

We got an early start in the morning. The sky was completely overcast, but I had to trust Alice's sight that it would clear later. My hopes for Bella's ability to recover some memories were probably higher today than at any other time. I tried to do everything I could to keep the experience the same.

I wore the same basic clothing I had worn for our first trip to the meadow. I parked the Volvo at the end of the road and came around the car to assist Bella. I didn't hold her hand on the way to the meadow, but helped her around obstacles as I did on our first visit. On the way, I recited virtually verbatim our conversation of that day. And Bella and I again laughed at the idea that she was unable to keep goldfish alive.

We walked, but not at a human speed. We reached the meadow in less than half the time as on our initial trip. And like that day, the sun had fortuitously begun to shine at about the same stage of our journey. I took that as a hopeful sign.

I waited as Bella walked into the meadow, as I had done on that day. When she turned around to find me, I hesitated. The look on my face probably mirrored the one she wore on our first day here. Although I had expected it, I still wasn't prepared for the way Bella sparkled in the sun – it took my breath away. She really was one of us.

I smiled as I approached her. She looked just as amazed with my appearance, and I realized that the particular subject of the effect of sunlight on vampires had probably not come up since her change. Of course she wouldn't have been prepared for the sight we presented. I wrapped my arms around her waist and laughed, saying, "And now you know why we live in the cloudiest place on earth."

Bella laughed too, and stroked my arm, as if looking for gems embedded in the surface. "Do I look like you?" she asked gleefully.

"No," I said quietly, "you are much more beautiful." She laughed again, joyfully, and I grinned happily at her reaction. We sat in much the same spot as we had before. I began to speak.

"You know, we've only been here twice before, together that is," I amended. But they were two of the happiest days I have ever known. Shall I tell you, about the first at least?" I asked.

"Yes, please," Bella responded earnestly.

"Well, I suppose you could say that coming here was our first official 'date'. Like today, it was sunny, and since you had agreed to spend the day with me, it was necessary that we stay out of the public eye. This was one of my favorite places, so I suggested we come here. It was also the first time you saw the startling effect of our kind when exposed to sunlight." Bella glanced down at her hand and watched it shimmer for a moment.

"I made a lot of confessions to you that day." Bella looked up at me, intrigued. "Although I have already told you of this, I admitted then, for the first time, the extraordinary call of your blood to me, exactly how horrific a temptation you presented, and how it had caused me to run away. I was quite . . . ashamed." Again, a look of compassion crept into her eyes. "I was forced to disclose how close I came to taking your life on that first day in Biology. You had presented the greatest challenge to me I had ever known – by far. In 80 years, I had never killed an innocent like you. I still shudder to think . . . Much to my relief, you did not condemn me."

"I could never do that," Bella whispered softly.

"I also admitted how much danger I had created for my family, by saving you from being crushed by Tyler's van, and I think you finally understood. The risk to your life, in some ways, was multiplied by my actions. But my inexplicable instinct to protect you also became fully realized that day as well." I looked up to gauge Bella's reaction. She was attending to my every word.

"When we came here, you touched me for the first time." My voice was soft now too, and I closed my eyes in remembrance. "It was so wonderfully confusing to me – to feel human contact for the first time in so many years and the feelings it evoked. And your touch was so gentle, so warm. I was awed by you, by your bravery and your trust. I had done so little to deserve it."

I couldn't bear to look at Bella now, let alone touch her. It was time. "I confessed, finally, that if I had hurt you, I would have been unable to live with myself. As I told you then, you had become the most important thing to me ever. And, in so many words, I told you that I had fallen in love with you."

I still hadn't looked in Bella's eyes, but I heard her sharp intake of breath. I focused on her hands, twisting together in her lap. I exhaled and waited for her reaction.

Her response revealed nothing. "And what did I say?" she asked quietly.

"You admitted, to my great joy and amazement, that your feelings for me were much the same," I responded, still not able to look up at her.

Eventually, the quiet became deafening. I finally looked up, trying to discern her thoughts, but her head was still tilted downward. It took all my patience to silently await her next words.

"And do you still love me, Edward, even as I am now?"

"I will answer your question, but I would like you to let me finish before you say anything else. Is that agreeable?" Bella nodded her acceptance.

"Bella, I love you more than I can say – more than I ever thought it possible for one person to love another. You captured my heart from almost the first moment I saw you, and my feelings for you have grown every day since. That will never change." Her eyes flew to mine in wonder, but I continued. "I'm not telling you this to elicit any sort of response from you or pressure you in any way. Of course, I care about how you feel. But I love you, and I will always love you, irrespective of how you feel about me."

"There is one thing that is most important to me. Above all else, I want you to be happy. My own happiness is wholly dependent on yours. Whatever you want, that is what I want for you. So the fact that I feel a certain way about you puts you under no obligation to me whatsoever. As I told you once before not that long ago, you can have all of me, any part of me, or no part at all. I will gladly be anything you need for me to be, your friend, your teacher, your family, your . . . mate." And I recognized the ambiguous nature of that last word.

Bella was searching my face, her eyes wide. I took her hand in mind. "You don't have to say anything at all right now." I touched her face. "You don't have to say anything, ever. Just think about it. Take your time. And when you want to talk about it, I'll be ready. I love you, Bella," I couldn't resist adding one more time. "Nothing you can do or say will ever change that. You need have no fear on that score. I will always, always be here for you, no matter what."

Bella's hand slipped from mine as she lay back on the grass, exhaling deeply. She gazed up at the sky and gave no clue as to her feelings. I watched her in silence, my insides churning.

I maintained my stillness for quite a while. Eventually though, I felt the need to do something. I inched my way to her side and took her hand in mine. I began tracing the lines in her palm with my finger. Since I couldn't bring back a memory of the past, I sought to recreate one. Much as I had done on that day, she smiled softly in pleasure. True to my word, I felt contented in turn.

After an interminable time, Bella sat up and looked directly at me. "I am going to follow your advice and think things through," she announced. "I feel a little uncertain right now, but I am happy you told me how you feel. I think I understand some things better now."

I nodded, momentarily at a loss for words. I realized that her reaction had left me with nothing to go on. I still had no idea how she felt.

"Would you like to hear about the rest of the events of that day?"

"Yes, but not at the moment. Later, I think." Bella smiled at me, and I sensed a difference in her demeanor. She seemed more self-assured all of a sudden.

"Shall we go, then?" In spite of my lack of success so far, I still wanted to complete the re-creation of that day. I had not abandoned all hope yet.

She nodded and accepted my hand. Before we could embark, I asked her another question. "Bella, would you mind if we traveled back to the car in the same manner as we did the first time we came here? I realize you don't exactly need to be carried anymore, but I would like it if you would agree."

"Okay," she said hesitantly. I shifted her onto my back and began running through the woods. Unlike the last time, Bella seemed to enjoy herself immensely. I heard her laugh with delight a couple of times in the few minutes it took us to get to the car.

As we neared the Volvo, I slowed, allowing Bella an opportunity to climb down. I stopped her before she could approach the car. I was nervous as a schoolboy.

"There's one more thing I want to try," I announced, reminiscent of our first outing. I took Bella's face in my hands and this time when I hesitated, it _was_ to seek her permission. "This is the exact spot where we had our first kiss. Will you allow me, I mean, is it all right? May I?"

Bella nodded and I noted her eyes were shining. I bent to kiss her for the first time since her return. However, it wasn't Bella that lost control this time – it was me. I had started the kiss softly, as I had done when she was still breakable. But I lost control as soon as I felt her respond. I crushed her body to mine and my mouth moved insistently against hers. I don't know how long it was before I felt the pressure of her hands pushing against my chest. I disengaged immediately and felt ashamed. I was still trying to calm my breathing when I apologized.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, so sorry. That won't happen again, I promise you."

"Well, let's not say never, but I don't believe I'm quite ready for that," she responded lightly. Again, I was struck by her poise. It was as if my declaration had empowered her in some way. I walked her to the car and helped her enter. As I moved to the driver's side, a feeling of dismay filled me, and I recognized it as something more than a general sense of disappointment that no memories had been recaptured. I didn't have time to analyze the cause at that moment, because with Bella's permission, I was relating to her the conversation we had as we drove home from the meadow the first time. So she heard our family's stories anew and was just as fascinated by them.

When we arrived home, I recognized the cause of my distress, and a snort of derision escaped me. Some nonsensically romantic and heretofore unrecognized part of me had evidently believed that when I reenacted our first kiss, Bella would wake up from her enchanted sleep, recover her memories and declare her rediscovered love for me. Although I hadn't consciously been awaiting it, I was deeply disillusioned that my kiss had no impact on her memory. My expectations had been far higher than I had acknowledged to myself. Clearly, I was no Prince Charming.

* * *

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	19. Chapter 18 Birthday

**Stephenie Meyer owns the poeple . . . **

Chapter 18 - Birthday

The next day, I asked Bella if she would like me to continue our tale, and she agreed. This was the last of the easy story telling. After today, darkness would dominate the narrative.

I started with our return to Charlie's house after the visit to the meadow. More confessions ensued, including the fact that I had been spending the night in her room without her knowledge. I had the good grace to look shame faced this time around.

We discussed the conversation we had in her room that night, all my revelations about first love and jealousy. Bella laughed when I told her about my resentment of Mike Newton and the others who had sought her favor. And I again revealed the conflict I had felt in trying to choose between what I believed to be right and what I wanted, and how Bella saying my name in her sleep had tipped the balance. I repeated the question and answer session of that night. "After that, I generally spent the night in your room with you, holding you while you slept."

"Oh," was all Bella said, her forehead creased in thought. After seeing her reaction, I asked after her thoughts.

"Wasn't that boring for you, watching me sleep every night?"

"No sweetheart. Never. I loved every minute of it – holding you, listening to you talking in your sleep, chasing away any bad dreams you might have." I took her in my arms. "That's one of the reasons I enjoy our time at night so much, when you quietly cuddle up with me. I find it very peaceful."

I was determined to court Bella in earnest now, and I had arranged for a bouquet of freesia to be delivered. I presented them to her in conjunction with this part of our story, and related how that night I had compared the scent of these flowers to her own. I had also arranged for the white roses to be replaced every few days. I did not make a formal presentation of them, but I saw her smile every time she noticed.

I continued with the narrative over the next few days, telling Bella about bringing her to this house the next morning so she could meet the remainder of my family. And, like I had done on that day, I played the piano for her – first Esme's tune, and then Bella's lullaby. Sitting next to me on the piano bench, her stunned reaction was very similar to the first time. "I used to hum your lullaby for you almost every night to put you to sleep," I said quietly. "I don't suppose . . . does it sound familiar to you at all?"

"I don't know. Perhaps you should play it again," she suggested slyly. I happily complied. Bella closed her eyes and listened with an enchanted look on her face.

I recalled that I had told Bella about Carlisle's history the first time she came here, and I did so again. This necessitated the first mention of the Volturi, and I debated the wisdom of that disclosure. In the end, I simply mentioned that Carlisle had lived with them in Italy for some time, and did not take her to his office to see the painting. I noticed that Bella shivered slightly at the mention of the name, while I was struck again with the feeling of the rage that washed through me.

I also admitted, with shame, the years I had spent in rebellion from Carlisle. I did not try to whitewash it, having no right to win her regard with falsehoods or evasions. I conceded that my ability to single out human predators was no more or less than playing God.

I was done with our story for that day. I dreaded the continuation and delayed it for another day, when I hoped to tell the entire episode in one fell swoop. Fell, indeed.

I was pleased to see that in spite of my profession of love, Bella did not seek to avoid the close physical contact we had shared up to this point. I felt some reassurance as a result. And though I swore I would not lose control of myself as I had yesterday, I did increase the volume a bit. My caresses grew slightly more daring and my chaste kisses were given more frequently. Once she looked at me searchingly, and then hesitantly touched my face. It seemed an absolute triumph to me.

The next day, I held Bella in my lap so I could see her face, and told her about the baseball game and the resulting disaster. I recounted the entire story in one sitting. A multitude of emotions crossed her face, and a couple of times she bit her lower lip, but she did not interrupt.

"How did all that make you feel?" she asked me.

"I was horrified, of course. It was completely my fault – I had exposed you to the danger. I've never forgiven myself for that." I stopped momentarily and looked at her face. "But I take it that's not what you're asking?"

"No, it's not."

I thought I knew what Bella was getting at. "Well, first it was the start of your asking me to change you, something I did not want to do. I did not want you to sacrifice your humanity for me, Bella, as much as I wanted to be with you. I did not believe I was worth losing something so precious. It took a long time for you to convince me otherwise."

"Secondly, I realized that day that I could not live in a world that did not contain you. Had you died, I would have found a way to end my own existence." Bella's arms closed around my neck for a moment. How typical – she was comforting me! I accepted her gesture gratefully.

"Finally, I believe that sitting there with you in the hospital was the first time I seriously considered leaving you in order to keep you safe. At the time, it was just the germ of an idea, and not one to which I devoted much conscious thought. Honestly, the concept was just too horrifying to me, and I was weak. But thinking back on it, I'm sure that was when the idea took root – that you would never be safe as long as you were with me."

"Bella, are you all right?" I asked with concern. She had pressed herself closely to me again and wound her arms tightly around my neck. I felt her nod slightly.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. You are the most precious thing in the entire world to me, yet I could never seem to keep you safe no matter how hard I tried. I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain."

Bella had always hated it when I took all the blame for her "incidents." If that was still the case, perhaps she only did it to shut me up. I didn't care why. All I knew was that suddenly, she loosened her hold, lifted her head and kissed me softly. She pulled away and looked as startled as I felt, before kissing me again. I kept an iron grip on my self-control as I returned her kiss.

Could Bella feel it? Had she felt that same strange current between us that had always been there - the one that brought relief to my senses when I touched her? She had certainly become much more casual about touching me in the past few days. I enjoyed it immensely.

We took a break from the story for a while, much to my relief. We concentrated on having fun instead and not worrying about the past. We watched movies, read and played outside. I particularly enjoyed our new form of vampire hide and seek, in which Bella hid and I was always "it." She laughingly rewarded me with a kiss every time I caught her. And I _never_ failed to catch her.

We hunted again, and this time feeding came easier to her. I still killed for her, but that satisfied the Neanderthal in me. I brought her home and held her closely for a long time, trying to express my gratitude with unspoken words.

One night instead of heading to our bedroom to listen to music, we stayed in the living room and I taught Bella to dance. That night, I told her about prom, and how she danced with her feet on top of mine, being handicapped by both her clumsiness and a cast. Later, I showed her some pictures, and reminded her how beautiful she had looked that night. Bella shyly hid her face in my neck and I laughed with pure joy.

It seemed that in trying to win Bella's heart, the love I felt for her was expanding. At the same time, she hid her feelings well. Sometimes I would catch her gazing at me with a thoughtful expression on her face. I never knew what it meant.

One night as we listened to music in our bedroom, Bella walked slowly up to me, a serious expression on her face. I stilled in question. She wound her arms around my neck and brought her face up to mine. She kissed me slowly, tenderly. The CDs in my hand fell to the floor and my arms wrapped around her body. All rational thought fled my mind. It wasn't until she pulled away and took my hand to lead me to our bed, that my brain started functioning. I didn't know if this was an invitation or not, but I wasn't willing to take it further. I still needed to know how she felt about me. I tried to be content holding her close in my arms, and hoped it was enough for her as well.

The next day I continued onto the next the part of our story – the one that gave me the most dread thus far. I started with Bella's 18th birthday party, relating the disaster it had been. Her reaction surprised me. "My birthday is September 13th?" she asked.

"Yes, Bella, it is."

"You missed my birthday," she pouted.

I suddenly realized she meant her last birthday, just a few weeks ago. "You hated celebrating your birthday," I said in my defense.

"I did?" She seemed incredulous.

"Yes, you did," I laughed.

"So you didn't get me a birthday present?" Her pout grew more exaggerated. Who was this Bella, actually asking for gifts?

"As a matter of fact, I did."

"You did?" The pout disappeared. "Where is it?" she asked eagerly.

I went to the side table and opened a drawer. I had ordered a gift for her several weeks ago, although I didn't know on which occasion I would present it, if ever. I was now glad I did. It seemed strange to not have to trick or cajole Bella into accepting a present. I returned with a black velvet box, sat down next to Bella and handed it to her.

Now she hesitated. "I'm nervous," she admitted. I was, too.

"Don't be," I responded. If you don't like it, I will get you something else. I'm afraid I have a weakness for buying you things."

She slowly opened the box and gasped. She pulled out the contents – a gold heart shaped locket. On one side our entwined initials had been engraved. The other side contained a single word – "Forever." "It's lovely," she breathed.

"Perhaps you would like to look inside?" I suggested.

She pushed the locking mechanism and gasped again as she saw the inside. Rather than the conventional photographs, I had commissioned our miniatures to be painted, Bella on one side and I on the other. It was an absurdly romantic gift, and I hoped Bella didn't think it too presumptuous of me.

"Thank you, Edward. It's so beautiful. I love it. Will you put it on me?" She presented her back to me and lifted her hair.

I took the locket from her and closed the clasp at the back of her neck. It seemed a golden opportunity to kiss the nape of her neck, and I continued a trail of small kisses towards her cheek until my eyes landed on the locket. Unfortunately, from this angle, the locket was not the only sight that caught my eye. I groaned and leaned away from Bella, and she turned to give me a strange look before a knowing light came into her eyes. Her lips curved into a slight smile and she quickly absorbed herself in studying the locket once more. I thought I may have heard a quiet giggle.

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	20. Chapter 19 Atonement

**These are Stephenie Meyer's characters . . . **

Chapter 19 - Atonement

The day I had dreaded most had arrived. I had promised to tell Bella the full story about my leaving her. I felt like everything hung in the balance. The problem was, I needed to justify a horrible and totally erroneous decision, the adverse consequences of which were breathtaking in their scope. How could she possibly fall in love with me after I revealed the entire account?

I sat Bella next to me on the sofa and turned towards her. I took her hand in both of mine and looked into her expectant eyes. "Bella, as I promised, I'm going to tell you about why I left you." Her eyes dropped to our hands. I took a deep breath and began.

"I think you have probably figured out the reason I left. I concluded that after exposing you to James, and the incident with Jasper, that you could never be safe living in my world. Through my arrogance, I managed to convince myself that the only way you would ever have a full and happy human life was if I were to drop out of the picture. However, I will not try to excuse my decision on any level any more."

"I used to think, well, at least my motivation was good and right. I would comfort myself that I had made a noble sacrifice. I realize how specious that argument is now, particularly after reliving our past these prior weeks. If I was to have truly been noble, I would never have pursued a relationship with you in the first place. At the beginning, when I fought with myself as to what was right and what I wanted, what I knew to be right should have won. Instead, I sought you out, indulging my own needs, and consoling myself that because I offered _you_ a choice to decline my company, I was doing something less dishonorable. Instead of doing the right thing in the first place, I induced you to fall in love with me, and only after your feelings were irrevocably attached did I decide to do the "noble" thing. It sickens me even now."

I dropped my head into my hand, unable to continue or to look at Bella. She remained silent. A minute later, I resumed my confession.

"But that wasn't the worst part. At the time, I still did not want to deprive you of your humanity. In spite of your pleas that I change you, I thought I knew better. I decided you should stay human. Moreover . . . and this is truly unforgivable, I determined that your feelings for me could not possibly be as strong as mine were for you. I concluded that you would get over me, move on and have a happy, human life. And I compounded this, this . . . desecration by telling you the most abject of lies – that I didn't love you anymore, that I didn't want you. The sheer arrogance of it . . . That I should decide what your feelings should be!" Again, I needed a moment before I could proceed.

"And I was so wrong, Bella. I learned time and again after I returned, how much I hurt you – how much you suffered on my account. I can only offer up that I was just as miserable without you. As if both of us hurting could make it any better."

"And, of course, the rationale for my so-called sacrifice could not have been proven a bigger mistake. Although we haven't talked about it yet, you were not safe after I left – you were in more danger than ever. It became necessary for . . . others to step in and protect you."

Bella was very quiet, looking down at our entwined hands. I sighed. It was time for her to understand that her current predicament was also a direct cause of my idiocy.

"Finally, the eventual result of my leaving was that the Volturi learned of your existence."

"I think you had better explain that," Bella said softly.

"I will. While I was gone, you had taken to engaging in some rather risky behavior – as if being a danger magnet wasn't enough for you."

Bella looked surprised.

"Yes, Bella, you did. You told me, afterwards, that you did it because your subconscious somehow generated the illusion of my voice in your head, yelling at you not to risk yourself – to keep yourself safe as you promised me when I left. So, without getting into a lot of details about motorcycles and solitary walks through the woods, one day you jumped off of a cliff and almost drowned." And I explained to Bella how I thought she had died, and all the convoluted circumstances and unfortunate coincidences that led to that belief.

Bella asked in a small voice, "Was I trying to kill myself?"

I tried my best to answer. "You said not, and I believed you, but whether you cared if you lived or died is another story, at least in my mind. Clearly, though, my decision to suicide was deliberate."

Bella's eyes widened in shock, and her hand clutched mine. "I did tell you that I knew I could not live in a world that did not contain you. It would simply be too painful to continue. Unfortunately, there are very few ways our kind can die. My brilliant solution was to approach the Volturi and ask them to end my misery. Aro refused, so I conceived a way to provoke the guard." And I related how Alice and Bella had flown to Volterra and saved my life, and how Aro had first taken an interest in her.

"That's the ironic part, of course. I tried unsuccessfully so many times to keep you from harm, and you brave a trip to Volterra and save me from certain death. Even with your life on the line, I couldn't speak the words – I couldn't say I would change you. It was Alice who had to commit to that."

"Why did Aro want me?"

"You were immune to my gift, as well as his. He thought you would demonstrate some talent after you were changed that would be of use to the Volturi. Thank God you didn't."

I stopped wallowing in my own guilt for a moment and looked at Bella. I kissed her hand. "Bella, are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine. But I have some questions."

This was different. Generally, she just absorbed what I had to tell her. I encouraged her to ask.

"Why do you think the only memory I have from before is you leaving me?"

"Ah, Bella, that's such a difficult question." I thought for a moment. "You always had a very private mind. You're the only person I could never reach. Carlisle told me that you may have sought refuge, as it were, in that private part of your mind that no one could touch – to protect yourself from the fear and the pain. The only suggestion I can make is perhaps that is the one memory from which you could not protect yourself. Perhaps the pain was just too great. I'm quite certain I could never forget it."

I stopped for a moment to gather my thoughts. I simply couldn't tolerate that horrendous moment being Bella's only memory. I turned, kneeling in front of her, and took both of her hands in mine.

"Bella, I would take you to the forest right now if it weren't too painful – for both of us. But I want you to imagine that that's where we are right now. I can never erase that terrible memory, but now I want to give you a new one to go with it." Bella's eyes were wide with surprise. I dropped mine. Shame prevented me from looking at her.

"I would never presume to ask your forgiveness for what I've done. I will never forgive myself for the pain I caused you. But I need for you to know that leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. I lied to you when I said I didn't want you or love you anymore. Such a thing is simply not possible. I love you with my whole being and that will never, ever change. What I'm asking you now is a tremendous thing, perhaps more impossible to bestow than forgiveness, especially when I have no right to it. I'm asking for your promise that you will never again think of that moment in the forest without also thinking of this moment now. Do not ever think of the lie, without also remembering this truth. I love you, and I will always love you. It is unendurable that you should think otherwise."

This was truly the moment of my atonement. I could almost forgive myself anything else – but not this – not my leaving Bella. I had let fear make my choices for me, and now I was left with nothing but fear.

Bella wasn't happy with my debasement. She said more in response to that moment than she had said since her return. "Edward, please."

I looked up.

"I've been listening very carefully since this story began. As I understand it, except for your intervention, I would have been dead twice over before we even got to the moment where we became friends – is that correct?"

"I suppose," I grudgingly admitted.

"Then please get up. The guilt is stifling." Okay, that was direct.

"Sit here, next to me, and let's talk." I sat on the sofa next to Bella. I think I managed to close my mouth first.

"I don't like where you're going with this. I'm pretty sure you're not entitled to take all the troubles of the world onto your shoulders. I'm willing to bet I was responsible for at least a little bit of it." She was smiling.

"Yes, but –"

"Shush, Edward. I realize I don't know myself very well, or remember very much, but unless I'm a whole lot different, I couldn't have fallen in love with the person you described." I gawked.

I was too stunned to answer. It was so unlike the new Bella – or the old for that matter. I truly felt foolish.

"Perhaps you haven't had the same advantages as me. I've sat over the last several weeks and listened patiently, and objectively, to my own story – I got to come to my own, new, conclusions. And I have to say, you seem like a really decent guy - maybe too decent for your own good."

My jaw fell open again.

"I'm pretty sure we'd both be better off if you just stopped punishing yourself."

"I . . . er. . . go on." My brain had stopped working.

"Let's see if we can just sum up, with honesty, where we are now, okay?"

"Kay," I said like a half-wit.

"You're in love with me." I nodded. "You've loved me pretty much from the beginning." I nodded more emphatically. "At least at one time, I was in love with you, too."

"Yes, but . . . " I started with the usual selfless disclaimers.

"That's really what it boils down to, isn't it?"

"Yes, essentially . . ." I admitted.

"So, here's the question on my mind." I perked up, looking to help her analysis.

"I've been very patient, Edward. And I want an answer." Bella voice was firm.

"Will you promise to tell me the whole truth?"

"Yes, of course." I would tell her anything.

Bella grabbed my left hand and held it next to hers. "Why are we wearing matching rings?"


	21. Chapter 20 Looking Foward

**These people are Stephenie Meyer's creations . . . **

"_Why are we wearing matching rings?"_

Chapter 20 - Looking Forward

"Er . . . " My treacherous brain abandoned me. I turned to Bella with startled eyes.

"I don't think it's too much for me to ask for the truth." She was right. How could I have thought she would miss our conspicuously matching wedding bands or that when she noticed, it wouldn't raise a question? I just stared at Bella.

"I think I know, Edward. But I'd still like to hear it from you. Please tell me."

"You realize that you're jumping ahead to the end of the story," I asked, an obvious delaying tactic. This didn't fit in with my brilliant plan at all.

"Yes, well, I've been thinking about that, too." Bella hesitated, but I didn't interrupt. "I'm not sure I want to keep going with it, at least not like we have."

I was surprised. "Why, Bella?"

Bella sighed. "Honestly, Edward, I don't think it's going to do any good. And it's starting to make me sad. I'm really sorry if that hurts you," she added contritely.

"Bella, you should not be worried about my feelings at all – I'm not hurt. I just wanted to help you. If this isn't helping, then I will gladly do anything you want. I would never want to make you sad." Unfortunately, I didn't have another suggestion. "What would you like to do?"

She was twisting her fingers in her lap. "What if we just forgot about the past, and started looking to the future?" Something she saw in my expression made her explain further. "I don't mean forget the past – I just mean let it come . . . naturally. If I ask a question about something, I'd still like an answer. But Edward, I enjoy our time together so much more on the days that we forget about the memory lessons and just have fun. And I think it would be easier on you, too. I hate seeing you in pain."

"Bella, please don't make this about me." That was so Bella-like that my heart did a flip of recognition. "That said I will do this any way you want. So, we will go with your plan – no more memory lessons, and I will answer your questions as they arise. Deal?"

"Deal," Bella affirmed. "So, that brings us full circle." She waggled her left hand at me. Oops.

I sighed. Then I swallowed nervously a couple of times. I could feel her becoming impatient. I turned to face Bella, taking her left hand in mine. The subject matter, so dear to my heart, caused my voice to turn soft and reverent.

"On August 13th, to my great joy and wonder, you became my wife - we were married, Bella. It was, without a doubt, the happiest day of my long life." Bella's reaction shocked me.

First she grinned. Then her smile broadened. Finally, she started laughing. I was vexed.

"Would you mind telling me what is even remotely funny about that?" I asked flatly.

She quieted, although a chuckle or two still escaped her. When she saw the look on my face she sobered completely. She crawled onto my lap and put her arms around me. With her face hidden against my neck, she whispered, "I think I've known it for the longest time. Perhaps it's even a memory – I don't know. But I think maybe I was laughing because I'm happy. It's wonderful to have someone I can hold onto – to have something I can count on when I don't even know who I am. It makes me feel . . . safe."

I kissed my wife, completely mollified. Of course, her admission only upgraded my status to security blanket. But I'd have to take what I could get.

From that point onward, we put Bella's plan into effect – have fun and forget about the past unless it intrudes in some way. I hadn't realized how it had been affecting me – it was a relief to get away from the scheduled programming. I could now devote all of my energy into achieving my goal – winning Bella's love.

And, after a few days, I acknowledged that Bella had once again been completely in the right of it. Letting go of the past was freeing, perhaps for me more than Bella. Her observation was correct – I had been wallowing in remorse – which had the unintended effect of making what had happened in the past about me, rather than about her. It was a different form of selfishness, and one that I now sought to avoid at all costs.

There was only one thought that leaked through to trouble me from time to time. I felt a little uneasy about leaving the story before the subject of Jacob Black had been fully revealed. But truthfully, what could I say? _After I left you Jacob became your best friend and then he fell in love with you but in the end you chose me. Oh, and he's a werewolf, so even if you wanted to be with him you are now natural enemies and you each think the other smells disgusting._ Okay, so perhaps I was making light of it. Obviously, at some point Bella would need to learn about the existence of werewolves and perhaps even the whole story with Jacob, but I wanted nothing to spoil our present happiness. If that was playing unfairly, so be it. My capacity for generosity in sharing Bella's love was extremely limited.

What followed was a time of carefree pleasure for us. We had experienced that so rarely in the past – always being pursued from one danger to the other. Our days and weeks were now spent in idle amusement.

We read, played, danced. I began teaching Bella to play the piano and she progressed quickly. Feeding came easier to her, and I still proudly presented her with each kill. She learned the joy of running with the unnatural speed of our kind, and we spent time outdoors every day. Bella seemed ecstatically happy.

Only one thing separated me from complete happiness as well – I still did not know the depths of Bella's feelings for me. It seemed as if her regard for me was increasing, but she never said the words. I could be patient, I told myself. There was, after all, no hurry – in the literal sense, we had all the time in the world. But my body thought differently.

When Bella was laughing and happy, I could rarely resist taking her in my arms and kissing her with a fierceness I struggled to restrain. That she responded so fully did not help my cause. I was left gasping and aching for more each time I pulled away from her. And I began to notice that she appeared to be frustrated as well. The casualness of our encounters was dissipating quickly, being replaced by an intense need to reach ultimate fulfillment.

I tried to remind myself of my internal vow – that I must know Bella loved me in order to re-consummate our relationship. The swiftness with which I was conceiving of various ways to rationalize it – to utterly undermine that commitment - was laughable. With this temptation, I was fighting a very different kind of monster.

It wouldn't be seduction any more – she clearly cared for me and was fully responsive. _Yes, but she is wholly dependent on you – so what's the difference?_ Even if she hasn't completely fallen in love with me, I loved her with my whole heart. Surely showing her my love could not debase our relationship in any way? And I'm certain that she wants me. _And _a_re you content to take her, if her motivation is lust rather than love? _She could stop me any time – she knows that my love for her is unconditional. _But would she? Her selflessness knows no bounds – she may consent just to please you._

My conflicting thoughts and thwarted desire were driving me mad. On some level, though, I acknowledged that I was fighting a losing battle. I did not believe I could hold out much longer. This particular monster was going to win in the end. I greatly anticipated his impending victory.

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	22. Chapter 21 Unexpected News

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters . . . **

Chapter 21 – Unexpected News

The days passed in enjoyable simplicity. True to her word, Bella asked the occasional question about her past. In general, though, we both focused on the future.

I think I had also come to silently agree that the likelihood of her memories coming back was slim. Oh, perhaps over the years, certain images would re-emerge. Possibly some day she would feel safe enough to tear down the wall behind which she hid, assuming that was even the cause. In the meantime, I concentrated on creating as many new and delightful memories as I could.

I continued to court Bella – with gifts, with attention, with affection. I complimented her beauty, her intelligence, her character and anything else I could possibly think of at every appropriate opportunity. To my delight, her self-assurance seemed to grow. She now bore almost no resemblance to the frightened, incomplete woman who had first come home with us from Italy. I tried very hard to not distinguish in my mind between the Bella of today and the Bella I had married. They were now one and the same – they had to be.

The speed with which I was losing the war to refrain from intimacy with her had also noticeably increased. In this regard, my enemy had become my co-conspirator. On some days it seemed that Bella was doing everything in her power to undermine my . . . composure. Her efforts did not appear in any way to be the result of innocent maneuvering. Her words and actions left me with no doubt as to her intentions or desires. So, the old adage remained true: the more things changed . . . the more they stayed the same.

One night, my judgment clouded with need of her, I ceded her victory. It began with a trip to our meadow. It was an unusually clear night for Forks, and I invited Bella to come stargazing. We laid side by side in the grass as I pointed out various stars and constellations to her. I was grateful to see that her prior knowledge of the heavens was unimpaired. Perhaps that was why I lost the battle – she just seemed so much like the Bella with whom I had originally fallen in love. Possibly it was the magic of the meadow – the place those same misgivings had been overcome before our marriage when I offered to comply with the same demand.

Whatever the reason, when Bella unexpectedly moved to lie on top of me and started kissing me passionately, I struggled more than usual to restrain the both of us.

"Bella, I can see that you want me, but why?" I asked between kisses. I knew what I wanted to hear.

"Edward, you're my husband. Just be with me."

"Bella, you have no memories of those days. Realistically, you've only known me for a few months," I reasoned.

"My body remembers you," she breathed, before kissing me again.

I was undone. All of my high flown ideals evaporated instantaneously. I rolled on top of her with a groan and took her mouth with mine, pressing my body into her curves. I had never had the ability to kiss Bella without constraint – first she was breakable, then I became a stranger to her. There was no further inhibition on my part. I put all of the love, desire and starved passion I felt for her in my desperate kisses. She responded in kind.

After a few minutes I rose abruptly to my feet and pulled her up with me. She looked at me curiously, and while catching her breath asked in a hurt voice, "Edward, why did you stop?"

"I'm taking you home," I responded roughly.

"But why?" The disappointment was evident in her tone. It fueled the fire.

"I'm taking you home," I repeated, "to bed."

During the drive home, I took Bella's hand and pressed slow, light kisses on her palm and wrist. I ruthlessly quashed any misgivings that tried to invade my mind. My need for her overrode any other thoughts. Instead, a different set of admonitions filled my head. _Slow down, Edward. Be gentle. Don't scare Bella. Show her how much you treasure her. _When I stopped the car, I lifted Bella out and carried her into the house and up the stairs to our room. We _would_ have a new wedding night.

I placed Bella gently on the bed. The expression on her face as she looked up at me was both expectant and encouraging. I lay down next to her and took her in my arms. As I caressed her face, my eyes searched hers for any sign of doubt or hesitation. I saw none. Satisfied, I began to kiss her again, slowly and tenderly this time. Bella responded eagerly. My lips moved from her mouth to her neck, where I could taste her scent. I whispered her name against her skin again and again. Bella began to unbutton my shirt, and the feeling of her delicate hands on my skin drove me crazy. I had missed this so much.

My shirt hit the floor before my hands resumed relearning the curves of her body. Bella rewarded my efforts with a soft moan. My love for her welled up inside of me and desire flooded me. My hand reached to unfasten the top button of her blouse, and I placed small kisses on the newly exposed skin. Before reaching the second button, a presence invaded my mind, and I rolled onto my back with a loud groan.

"Edward?" Bella asked in hurt confusion. "What is it?"

"It's our family, Bella."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"In a few minutes, our family is going to be pulling up the drive. Alice just contacted me." I was pretty sure it would take all my effort to not slay them in turn as they walked through the door.

"Why are they coming?" Bella asked with concern.

"I don't know yet, Bella. Alice didn't tell me that. I'm sure we'll know very shortly."

As my frustration began to ebb, concern started to take its place. Why would they return without warning? This couldn't be good.

I rose from the bed and put my shirt on. I sat next to Bella and leaned down to give her a quick kiss. "We should probably go downstairs to meet them Bella. You have no idea how sorry I am about this." I gave her a rueful smile.

She rose from the bed and I took her hand as we descended the stairs. Alice and Jasper entered a minute later. I raised an eyebrow in question.

_Edward, why didn't you answer your phone? I've been calling you for the last six hours. I was worried about you._

I checked my pocket and realized the phone wasn't in its usual place. I had undoubtedly left it in my car. I obviously hadn't even taken it with me to the meadow. That was bad - more than bad – it was stupid. These last few months of tranquility had made me careless.

While I was castigating myself, Alice walked over to give Bella a hug. They were quietly talking when the rest of the family arrived. I still had no idea of the reason for their return.

While we were exchanging pleasantries and hugs, Carlisle asked, _Did Alice tell you why we're here?_ I subtly shook my head.

_I will tell you Edward, but please remain calm. _I nodded, feeling anything but calm. Carlisle looked at Bella, assessed my expression and thought the better of it. _Let's go outside._

When we had left the house behind, he started talking. "Alice has seen Aro and his guard coming here."

My jaw clenched in anger. "When and why?"

"Control yourself, Edward! They should be here in a couple of days. Aro wants to see Bella – find out whether she has developed any talent. Accordingly to Alice, he will be satisfied that she has not, and will leave directly. She says there's nothing to worry about." Carlisle paused. "I assume that is true – that Bella shows no sign of any gift?"

"That is true," I admitted. "But that's not the only thing to be concerned about. Bella has come a long way – she is no longer the small, frightened creature we brought back from Italy. She's made a lot of progress overcoming her fear. I'm very worried that seeing Aro again will cause a huge setback. I can't stand to see that happen to her. Damn Aro straight to hell."

"It may not be that bad, Edward. We have a couple of days to prepare Bella. With Alice's vision we should be able to reassure her." Even Carlisle sounded unsure though.

"Maybe I should take her away," I suggested.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Edward. Demetri is with them. He'll be able to track you. It's better if we confront them together, as a family."

I nodded. Carlisle was right, of course, but I was so anxious to shield Bella from having to live through another experience with the Volturi. Three times should have been enough for anyone's lifetime, even if it did last an eternity.

"The sooner we tell Bella, the better," Carlisle added. "We'll have more time to prepare her. We will tell her as a family, so we can all reassure her."

"Very well," I assented. My heart was filled with dread though, as we re-entered the house.

Everyone was still loitering in the living room when we arrived. Bella was perched between Alice and Esme on the sofa. She looked very happy, and my heart sunk at what was about to happen. When Esme noticed me, she rose from her position so I could sit next to Bella.

I took her hand before speaking. "There's a reason our family returned tonight – I mean other than their natural desire to see you again." I kissed Bella on the cheek and she laughed lightly. As her eyes flickered across the solemn faces of our family, her smile disappeared and concern took its place.

"Bella, there is absolutely nothing to worry about – I promise you. Alice has seen that everything will be fine. So, please relax." I kissed her hand and held it close in both of mine.

"Okay, I believe you. Please, just tell me what it is." The look of faith in her eyes truly moved me.

"Bella, do you remember what I told you about why Aro wanted to change you – because he thought you might have a talent – like Alice's or mine – that would be useful to him?"

"Yes, of course," she responded.

"In a couple of days, Aro and some of his guard will be arriving here. Aro only wants to see if you have developed any such talent. Alice assures us that when he is satisfied that you have not, he will leave without incident." Bella looked at Alice now.

"It's true Bella. I can see it all quite clearly. He's not even trying to hide his intentions. He will want to talk to you a bit, but they will all leave with no trouble." She smiled confidently at Bella.

Bella took a calming breath. "Okay. I trust you. I trust all of you." Her smile took in our whole family. I was stunned by her bravery.

Her affirmation acted like a signal for our family to gather around offering words of encouragement.

"Don't worry little one," Emmett commanded. "I'll protect you," and he flexed his impressive muscles, making Bella laugh. Rose rolled her eyes.

Esme came up and kissed Bella's forehead saying, "We won't let anything happen to you, dear. You're one of us, you know." Bella nodded.

I think Carlisle's few words made the biggest impact. "Don't be anxious, daughter." Bella beamed at him.

Much to my dismay, Alice decided it was time for some girl talk with Bella, or so she said as she dragged Bella upstairs. I tried to smile reassuringly as Bella turned around on the stairs and gave me an anxious look, but I was afraid my eyes reflected the same emotion. To my surprise, Rosalie followed them to Alice's room.

There was no question my family knew me well. The rest of them dispersed throughout the house, giving me the opportunity to shamelessly eavesdrop on the conversation upstairs. Finally, a way into Bella's thoughts! They kept their voices low, but it wasn't difficult to overhear.

"Bella, what have you two been up to?" Alice asked with her usual frankness.

"Edward has been telling me about my life," Bella responded. "Alice, did you know that Edward and I got married?"

"Of course, silly. I planned your entire wedding! It was beautiful," Alice finished with a sigh. "Did you remember that or did Edward tell you?"

"I think it may have been some of both, really. Even though I don't remember it, I think I sort of knew it, if that makes any sense."

"So, how do you feel about it?" Alice asked. I snorted with amusement. Alice undoubtedly knew I was listening to every word. She was doing this for my benefit. I tensed to hear Bella's response.

Her voice was soft. "It made me happy, when I learned of it." I smiled.

Bella continued. "I really, really like Edward." I frowned.

"You just like him, Bella?" Alice pushed. "Are you sure it's not more than that?"

"I . . . I don't know, Alice. I don't have much to compare it to."

Rosalie interjected. "How do you feel when you're with him, Bella?" I held my breath.

"Well, when he's not feeling guilty about the past," and I heard Rosalie snicker, "he makes me feel very happy. He's been so kind to me. He makes me laugh." Her voice became more hushed. "And I really like it when he kisses me and touches me. It makes me feel all . . . fluttery inside."

As elated as I was to hear that, I cursed at the direction I now knew Alice and Rosalie would steer the conversation.

"Bella, have Edward and you been . . . together . . . I mean, that way?" Of course it was Alice that asked.

"No, not really." Bella answered in a small voice. "I mean, we've kissed and stuff, but I'm not sure he wants me that way. He usually pushes me away."

My heart lurched. Did Bella really not understand how much I wanted her? What had I done wrong? What about earlier tonight - did that make no difference? Apparently not.

I could practically see Rosalie rolling her eyes as she said, "That's just Edward. He's too moral for his own good. He's probably afraid of taking advantage of you."

"Do you think so?" Bella asked hopefully.

"Bella, I've never seen anyone crazy in love like Edward is with you – like he's always been with you. He never wanted anyone else. He broke every rule in the book to be with you. And when he's not around you, he's miserable. Of course he wants you! He could never keep his hands off of you!" Bless Alice for that.

I took it as a good sign that the three of them were now giggling. Nevertheless, I had clearly done a poor job of letting Bella know how I felt. Why hadn't I remembered that she could never comprehend how I could love and want her? Why had I expected this Bella to be different? Although I was sorry for the reason, I was very happy my family had returned. I had needed their help more than I knew.

And I was now thankful about the timing as well. I acknowledged that it had never felt right breaking my internal promise to wait for Bella's love. Bella's feelings for me were clearly uncertain. Had my family not come home when they did and I overheard her admission only when it was too late, I would have been devastated.

Alice and Bella walked downstairs holding hands. "Here you go, brother. I've brought your wife back to you." Alice gave me a broad smile, but Bella's was shy. As Alice left the room, she winked at me and gave me a well deserved dig, _History repeats itself, Edward._

I took Bella in my arms and gave her a tender kiss. "I missed you, love," I said with a smile while I stroked her cheek.

"Edward," was all she responded, as she tightly hugged my neck, and my name sounded like a sigh.


	23. Chapter 22 Anticipating the Arrival

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters . . .**

Chapter 22 – Anticipating the Arrival

It was good to have our family around us. I wasn't pleased at having less time on my own with Bella, but I didn't realize how much I had missed their love and support. Alice alone was a wonder.

She pulled me aside to give me her impressions of Bella. "Edward, she's come so far. I'm amazed, really."

I told her of my current predicament. "I just wish I knew how she felt about me, Alice. It's driving me crazy. I've done everything I could think of to win her love, but I'm still not sure."

"Well," Alice concluded, "it's pretty obvious to me that she's in love with you. I see the way she looks at you. And the feelings she described about you, that certainly sounds like love. But, I don't know if Bella knows it yet."

Where had I heard that before?

"What's the timeline here, Alice? I want to take Bella out to hunt before Aro arrives."

"You're fine for today. It will probably be tomorrow, but I'll know more later," Alice offered.

"Alice, are you sure everything will be all right? I'm worried sick about Bella."

"You know how this works, Edward. With everyone's current intentions, there should be no problem. As long as nothing changes, we should be okay."

I realized on our return from hunting that Bella was still far calmer that I expected her to be with Aro's arrival looming. Perhaps I had just missed the signs though. Late that night, she silently took my hand and led me our room to curl up on the bed together. In this she was clearly seeking only comfort. Bella was quiet the entire time.

It occurred to me that Bella had seemed very introspective since her discussion with Alice and Rosalie. I hadn't noticed it at first, with the added noise and activity caused by our family's presence, but we had conversed very little since then.

In the morning, we joined our family in the living room. I was not the only apprehensive one. You could feel the increased tension. From time to time, one of us would look at Alice in question. On the last such occasion, Alice said, "About two hours or so."

Bella suddenly turned to me frantically. "It's all right Bella," I said softly. She didn't still.

"Edward, I'd like to speak with you, in private if we could." She looked extremely anxious.

"Of course, Bella. Alice, Bella and I are going to take a little walk – not far. Will you call me if anything changes?"

"Sure, Edward," Alice responded. _I assume you have your cell phone on you this time?_

I took Bella's hand and we exited through the back door, strolling slowly away from the house. When we were out of earshot, I turned to her and took her in my arms. "What is it, Bella? You're not afraid, are you?"

"Well, partly, yes, but not why you think."

I searched her face. I could see the worry reflected there. "You can tell me anything, you know."

"Well," she said with a humorless laugh, "I'm afraid you're starting to rub off on me. I'm feeling rather guilty at the moment."

"Why, Bella?" I was truly confused.

"Because I have something to tell you, and this is probably the worse possible moment to do it," she confided.

"Can you explain that?" I was trying to be as gentle as possible.

"There's something I need to do, to tell you, and because the timing is all wrong, I'm feeling guilty." She was twisting her fingers together in agitation.

"Why don't we sit down, and you can tell me whatever you're comfortable relating to me. Okay?"

We sat facing each other. I smiled encouragingly at Bella. "Whenever you're ready, love."

Distress was written all over Bella's face. She opened her mouth a couple of times as if to start talking, but couldn't continue. I was getting more and more nervous myself. What was this about? The only thing that seemed likely was Aro's arrival, so I tried to reassure Bella.

"Sweetheart, please don't worry. I promise to take care of you." Bella looked at me, but still didn't say anything.

She took a deep breath to calm herself, and then began softly, her eyes directed at the ground. "Edward, I should have told you this before . . . You've been so kind to me. And you're so very patient. I really appreciate that. And I'm afraid that if I say what I need to, that you'll think I'm motivated by the wrong reasons. But that's not the case."

I waited patiently, more than intrigued. And I waited. I was just about to say something else when Bella again stopped me from speaking. "It's my turn to ask that you not interrupt until I'm done," she said with a tremulous smile.

I was starting to fear that this was something I didn't want to hear. My heart suddenly lodged in my throat. I swallowed nervously and nodded.

"I know you only want me to be happy, but I never should have put it off this long. And now I'm worried that you'll think I'm telling you this because Aro is coming and I'm afraid. And that's not true. Well, I am somewhat afraid . . ."

I wanted to relieve Bella's distress, but by her own request, I couldn't. I ran a nervous hand through my hair.

"Also, I've been doing a lot of thinking since my conversation with Alice and Rose the other night."

I had thought their intervention benign, possibly even helpful, but now I was beginning to wonder.

"It's very difficult to know things with certainty when you don't even know yourself very well," Bella continued. "And I don't want to hurt you, especially when you've been so very honest with me."

My leaden heart sunk like a stone. I was convinced I knew where Bella was headed with this. I wasn't quite sure how I would survive it.

"Although I suppose Aro coming here does have something to do with it. I definitely would want to say something in case I have to go back to Italy with him. But that just changes the timing, not the message." Bella was looking everywhere but at me.

I was getting confused. Why would Bella think she might have to go back to Italy with Aro? There was no way in hell that was going to happen.

"Edward . . . I . . . I think . . . that is . . ." Bella hesitated. "Ugh. I'm so mad at myself. This shouldn't be so difficult!" I couldn't stand it anymore – I had to relieve her torment.

I rose to my knees and pulled her into my arms. I stroked her hair over and over. "Bella, you don't have to worry. Don't be sad, sweetheart. I understand if you can't love me. I still love you – it doesn't matter."

She pushed me away and I tried to conceal the hurt on my face. "No Edward, you _don't_ understand," she said emphatically. My misinterpretation had made her marginally more articulate. "I'm trying to tell you . . . that I do . . . I do love you. And I'm obviously doing a very poor job of it."

I thought I had misheard. My brain kept echoing the words she had just said to me. It sounded like Bella had said she loved me!

"Bella, would you mind very much repeating what you just said?" I asked with care.

"I said . . . I love you, Edward. Or at least that's what I was trying to say. I admit, that had to be the worse declaration of love in the history of the world but I'm kind of new at this."

I grabbed her shoulders. "Bella, do you mean that? Are you sure?"

Bella was very serious. She put her hand on my chest and looked directly into my eyes. "I'm as sure about this as I am about anything, Edward. I know that may not be the answer you want. But it's the best I can give you right now. That's what I meant about not wanting to hurt you - because I can only be as sure of this as I am of myself." She fumbled for words again. "Perhaps this will help."

She took a deep breath and began slowly. "I want to be near you all the time. I miss you if you're gone from my side for even a minute. You make me feel as if I can do no wrong. When you look at me, I feel beautiful and desirable. When I look at you, my heart flips over. When you take my hand, I feel whole. When you hold me, I feel safe. When you kiss me, it seems like I'm melting inside." She hid her face against my shoulder before continuing. "And when you _really_ kiss me, I'm on fire. I'm not an expert, of course, but does it sound like love to you?"

I tilted her chin up so I could search her face. Her eyes, having faded considerably from bright red, were wide and sincere. I continued to gaze at her, stroking her cheek and looking for confirmation of her words. And miraculously, I saw love there. My heart took flight.

After a minute, concern reappeared in her expression. "I wish you would kiss me or yell at me or something," she mumbled.

I kissed her softly. "And why would I yell at you Bella? Does this have something to do with all that unnecessary guilt you were feeling? What was that all about, anyway?" I asked gently.

"I didn't want you to think I was telling you this because I was afraid of Aro's arrival. That's not why at all. I have to admit it was part of the realization though. I knew that if I had to leave here and go away with Aro, I would die inside. Not because I was afraid of Aro, though I am, but because I couldn't be with you anymore . . ."

I lifted her face once more. "Bella, how could you think I would let Aro take you away from me? I would never let that happen."

Abject fear was now evident in her eyes. "Edward, I can't allow anything to happen to you. I know you would fight, and I couldn't bear to see you hurt - or anyone in our family for that matter. If it comes to that, I will leave."

Dread filled me. Oh no, not this - not again. How could I not see it coming? This fully explained Bella's relative serenity over the last two days – she intended to take matters into her own hands, to once again sacrifice herself.

I gave her shoulders a quick shake. Now I _was_ yelling. "No, Bella! Promise me you won't agree to anything! Promise me you won't say anything! It won't work anyway, I'm telling you that. If you leave here with them I _will_ come after you. So don't risk yourself for me." I was frantic now. "Promise me, Bella!"

Bella hid her face against my chest, but didn't answer.

I tried to calm myself and speak more rationally. "Bella, Alice has seen what's going to happen. You aren't leaving here with them. So please, do not do something unexpected."

My whole being sighed with relief when she nodded her head and said, "All right, Edward."

The fear started to ebb, so I sought to ease the tension as well. "Now, let's get back to more important subjects – like the fact that you love me," I said teasingly. "Will you say it again, Bella?"

She looked up at me and smiled. "I love you, Edward."

"And I love you, Bella." And I gave her a kiss worthy of the moment, with all the love and passion I had in my heart and mind and soul, which I knew in that particular instant was something I surely possessed. My heart soared once again. And the fear, which had not completely dissipated, made my arms tighten like iron bands around her inviting body. No one would take this woman from me – no one.

We broke apart, but I continued to stroke Bella's face and hair, mesmerized by the look of love in her eyes. I was sure mine shone with the same warm light. The sound of my phone ringing was jarring.

"Yes, Alice." I listened for a moment. "We're on our way."

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	24. Chapter 23 The Volturi Come

**The wonderful characters belong to Stephenie Meyer . . . **

Chapter 23 – The Volturi Come

We wasted no time returning to the house. Alice updated us as soon as we entered. _They should be arriving any time. Can you hear their thoughts?_

I nodded. They were indeed approaching. We waited inside the house. Carlisle quietly gave us last minute instructions.

"Everyone remain calm," he said, looking directly at me. "I will do the talking. We have nothing to worry about." He gave Jasper and Emmett significant looks, and I realized they had just been appointed my guard dogs, once again.

It became rather obvious that no one was going to ring the front door bell. They clearly had no intention of confronting us within the closed confines of the house. After a few moments, we filed out the door.

If the circumstances hadn't been so tense, I might have laughed at the sight that awaited us. You could take Aro out of the citadel, but you couldn't take the citadel out of Aro. He was sitting in a throne like chair, with his guard exactly positioned as if they were all standing in the tower room. Although I had expected it, my insides still clenched when I noticed Jane standing next to Aro's chair. I was thankful Felix wasn't there, both for Bella's sake and because I wasn't sure I could control myself if I saw him again.

I stood protectively in front of Bella, my right arm stretched in front of her body, my right hand holding hers. I prayed she would stay quiet. I still wasn't sure I could trust her not to turn herself into a sacrificial lamb. Her left hand was on my shoulder, and I could feel her trembling.

Carlisle appeared completely in control. "Hello, Aro. To what do we owe this . . . unexpected pleasure?"

Aro laughed. "Hardly unexpected, I think," he said, smiling at Alice. Aro looked as if he was quite enjoying himself.

"Nevertheless," Carlisle insisted, "we are still wondering the reason for your quite unusual visit. You certainly get around these days . . ." he added dryly.

"As I'm sure you already know," and I thought I caught a note of envy in Aro's voice, "I am come to check up on our dear Bella. I do miss her so."

Bella's trembling became more pronounced, and I felt a soft growl escape me. I could hardly fail to notice the proprietary "our" in reference to Bella. But she was all mine.

"How is our beloved daughter?" Aro asked maliciously.

If Carlisle had been any less disciplined, I realized from his thoughts that he would have been growling, too. From his paternal perspective, he resented the territorial implication as much as I did.

It was ironic that Emmett had been placed beside me to provide any necessary restraint, as from his thoughts I could tell that he was at least as ready as I to fight. It was moving, in a way, how protective he felt of his defenseless little sister, as he considered Bella. Even Rosalie, although clearly more concerned about Emmett and herself, was ready to defend Bella as one of our family. I hadn't expected that.

Alice was being . . . Alice. She was playing chess – trying to stay three moves ahead of everyone else to win the advantage. Jasper was vigilant - standing ready to provide the necessary emotional manipulation to skew the game in our favor. And Esme – the absolute picture of serene maternal watchfulness, was ready to scratch Aro's eyes out. It was truly a good thing that Aro's gift did not provide the same immediate advantages as mine.

"She is as you see her," and Carlisle inclined his head in Bella's direction, as she cowered behind me. "She has not recovered her memories. I fear the experience was just too traumatic for her," Carlisle said pointedly.

"And her gift?" Aro asked eagerly. "Surely, that has had time to develop." And the look on Aro's face showed just how much he coveted whatever talent Bella might have.

Carlisle sighed in exasperation. "Aro, Bella has developed no gift. She is immune to Edward's talent, as she was before. That is it. She is, or was until now, less frightened and more outgoing, but otherwise there has been no significant change in her."

I imperceptibly squeezed Bella's hand, hoping she would know that Carlisle was deliberately downplaying her progress.

"Nevertheless, I believe we must test her, to make sure she has no nascent talent that could be useful to us," Aro challenged with glee in his voice.

Bella quivered in alarm, and my control foundered. "It's irrelevant, Aro. You have no rights over her," I protested in outrage.

"There you are wrong, Edward," he responded softly. And if I had thought Aro gleeful before, he was now positively radiating smugness. "I am her Creator – by our laws I hold all rights over her."

Bella whimpered with fear, and the sound triggered an uncontrollable response in me. Instinct took over. My mate, no, my love - my very life - was threatened and fearful. I released Bella's hand and started forward. Jane, ever eager to protect her lord and master and demonstrate her awesome power, directed the full measure of her talent at me.

And suddenly I found myself on the ground, writhing in pain, desperately trying to keep myself from crying aloud. It took a moment before I could register any sensation other than the agonizing fire coursing through my body, but the shrill sounds of Bella's appalling screams made their way through to my consciousness. And instantaneously, Bella's distress became more important to me than my own suffering.

Now I could hear Carlisle shouting, demanding that Aro control his people. It took a few moments before I could comprehend that I was no longer under assault. But through all the uproar and confusion, one thing remained constant – Bella's screams.

I lifted myself up from the ground and took her in my arms, trying desperately to soothe her fear. She allowed me to hold her, but I was making no headway whatsoever when it came to calming her. She held her hands over her ears and rocked her body back and forth. She was inconsolable – out of her mind with terror – sobbing with unrestrained distress.

Carlisle silently directed me: _Edward, take Bella inside._

I picked her up in my arms and carried her into the house. I tucked her into my lap, held her closely in my arms, and spoke quiet words of comfort. And despite the fact that I wanted to focus entirely on Bella, I directed a tiny bit of my attention to the conversation outside so that I could be prepared to act if necessary.

She was somewhat quieter now, but tormented sobs still gripped her. I heard Carlisle say, "That was completely unnecessary, Aro. You've done nothing but aggravate an extremely fragile situation. Account for yourself." And I was surprised at the anger and determination in Carlisle's voice.

Aro was a little less self-assured. "I am simply here to determine whether I need to exercise rights over what is mine."

"Shush, Bella shush. I love you, sweetheart. Everything is fine. I'm okay,"I kept repeating over her continuing cries.

"It should be completely apparent to you, Aro, that Bella has no power, offensive or defensive. With her feelings for Edward, she would never have tolerated what just occurred without taking action, had there been any way for her to hinder it," Carlisle reasoned. And it occurred to me that in fact, that was the real purpose behind the demonstration – to manipulate Bella into revealing any ability she may have developed.

"Hmm. You may be right," Aro conceded. "However, I do need to be sure."

"Hush, darling. You're fine. Everything's all right," I repeated, as I continued my ministrations. Bella's distress was less evident, although she continued to grip the sides of her head, her face still appearing pained.

"Well, I'm sure," announced Carlisle. _I'm giving him my hand, Edward. I don't believe there is any memory that could betray us._ And there was silence for a minute or two.

"Yes," Aro begrudgingly agreed. "It appears as if you are right. A pity nonetheless – I had such high hopes for her."

"I would appreciate it if you would now leave my family in peace, Aro," Carlisle announced. "I do not want to have this conversation again – ever."

"Yes, of course," Aro agreed with reluctance. "I see no point, in any event. If there is no indication whatsoever of talent now, a gift of any strength is unlikely to develop. Pity . . ." he added once again.

Bella continued holding her hands over her ears, occasionally whimpering with what I thought was fear. I kept up my efforts at soothing her. I was livid with Aro, wondering how much damage had been done, all to no purpose.

"Well, good-bye my old friend," Aro announced, seeming to have recovered his good cheer. "Undoubtedly we will meet again."

_When hell freezes over,_ I thought. If Carlisle responded, I didn't hear it. I turned my full attention to Bella, recognizing that Aro and his guard were now departing.

"Bella, they're leaving now. It's all over. I'm fine, Bella. You're fine. Everything is okay," I kept repeating. I was beginning to wonder whether terror was the sole cause of her suffering. I tried to make her move her hands from their protective posture, but she wouldn't let me. Her whimpering had turned into soft moans.

"Carlisle," I called.

My family entered the house. "Carlisle, I'm not sure what's happening. It seems like more than fear to me. I think she may be in pain. Can you help her?"

Carlisle made an effort to approach Bella, but she cowered against me. _We may need to wait a while, Edward. Just continue to comfort her for now._

The moments dragged on while my family hovered uncomfortably around us - all except Alice who for some strange reason was smiling and humming an obnoxious song in her head. I was too concerned about Bella to give it much thought.

I tried again to reach Bella. "Sweetheart, are you okay? Please talk to me, Bella – I can't stand not knowing."

"Edward," she whispered.

"Yes, love. Are you all right? Are you in pain?" I was stroking her back comfortingly.

"It's better now." She exhaled slowly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Bella, I'm fine," I reassured her.

"I hate her," Bella hissed through clenched teeth. "She's horrible. The first time was bad enough, but to have it happen again in our own yard . . . I thought it would kill me. I hate her," she repeated.

_Wait, what did she say?_

"Carlisle," I said softly, "I never told Bella about the last time Jane did that to me."

Bella lifted her head and looked at me strangely. Carlisle looked intrigued. Alice broke out in a huge grin.

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	25. Chapter 24 Second Homecoming

**Stephenie Meyer owns these characters!**

Chapter 24 - Second Homecoming

"Bella, do you remember the last time Jane . . . hurt me – when we were in Italy?" I asked hesitantly.

"Of course, Edward." Bella looked confused. "How could I forget?" She shuddered. She placed her hand on my face. "Are you really okay?"

"Yes, love, I'm perfectly fine," I responded, trying to hide my excitement.

"Do you remember when Alice and you flew to Volterra to save me from my own . . . stupidity?"

"Yes, why wouldn't I?" Bella's forehead creased in thought.

Noticing the turmoil of my emotions, Carlisle took over. "Bella, since Aro changed you, you haven't been able to remember anything from your human life. Almost all your memories were . . . inaccessible to you. Do you remember anything else?"

Bella began massaging her temples with her fingertips. "Agh, I'm so confused." She moved to stand, and I released her from my hold. She began walking around the room, pacing a bit. She responded after a couple of minutes. "Yes . . . I forgot everything – I remember."

Bemusement was etched on all of our features, except Alice, who was still grinning happily. She obviously knew the outcome, but wasn't offering to share.

"Maybe we should try this again," Carlisle sighed. "Bella, you realize that you lost your memory after being changed, is that correct?"

"Yes, you're right," she responded softly. "I forgot about everything." She looked at me in horror. "Edward, how could I forget about you - about us?"

"Bella," Carlisle calmly interrupted, "please don't feel responsible. In truth, you did not forget about Edward or anyone else. I have a theory about this, and I will know more in time. Let's just explore this further for now."

Bella nodded. "Okay."

"Tell me what you remember of your human life?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, that's rather a tall order. Is there anything specific you want to know?"

"Let's start with your arrival in Forks. Do you remember moving in with Charlie?"

"Yes," Bella answered quickly.

"Do you remember meeting Edward?"

Bella's eyes flew to mine and she looked ashamed. "Yes, of course I do." She gave me an uncertain smile.

After that it quickly became a free for all, with everyone throwing questions at her – a sort of Bella trivia game. I remained silent, watching the various emotions flit across her face. Eventually Bella raised her hands and yelled, "Stop, please stop. You're making me crazy!"

Carlisle restored order in the room. Why don't the rest of you find something else to do." Before I could protest, he added, "Edward, you stay." The rest of the family reluctantly exited the room.

"I apologize, Bella - that was uncalled for. We're all just a little too excited right now. Do you feel up to answering some more questions?"

"Yes," Bella replied. I'd like to get this straight." Bella sat down next to me as Carlisle organized his thoughts.

"Based on what you've said so far, it appears as if you have recovered quite a lot, if not all, of the memories of your past, at least while you were human." Carlisle hesitated before continuing. "Bella, do you remember your change?"

She thought about this question for quite a long time, while I got more and more anxious. I hated how much this could distress Bella – she'd been through enough.

Bella finally looked up at Carlisle. "I remember shopping with Alice and Rosalie. My next memory is just pain . . ." she finished softly.

I brutally extinguished the guilt that threatened to erupt, concentrating on Bella.

"Bella," Carlisle continued, "do you remember much about your time with the Volturi?"

She paused for thought again. "Some," she answered, "but I was so afraid the whole time. And they kept me in the dark a lot . . ."

"Well, what is your first full memory since your change?"

"I believe it was seeing all of you in the tower room," Bella answered slowly. "I was afraid then, too. But I saw so few people before that – apparently you made an impression on me." She gave a brief smile before continuing.

"And I remember pretty much everything since then. Edward worked so hard to try to help me." She turned in my direction, adding, "And you really did. I felt safe for the first time. I felt loved. You can't imagine how important that was to me." Her eyes caught mine and held, while I returned her gaze.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I think we can let this rest for now. I don't want to tax you too much, Bella. I do want to say that we're thrilled to have you back with us – the whole person that is. I didn't see this coming, but I think I understand the cause."

That interrupted our reverie. "Well, don't leave me in suspense, Carlisle. Please give us your diagnosis," Bella said lightly. I gave him my full attention as well.

"I don't know that it's anything too profound," Carlisle began modestly. "And perhaps I'm not right at all. To my knowledge there are no medical studies on the precise issue at hand." He gave a quick smile before continuing.

"Nobody knows better than Edward that your mind, Bella, is a very private place. After you returned with us from Italy and I had a chance to speak with you, my original thought was that the fear and pain you had experienced caused you to look for solace in your own mind – to hide some portion of your psyche behind a . . . mental barrier that no one could penetrate. I believe more than ever that this is the case."

Bella nodded thoughtfully. A question arose in my mind, though. "Carlisle, why do you believe Jane's attack tore down the wall, so to speak?"

"I'm surprised at you, Edward," Carlisle chided. "I would have thought it was obvious to you, at least."

I waited stupidly. I really didn't feel like guessing at this point. Carlisle sighed.

"Because Bella thought you needed her, Edward." He waited a moment for that to sink in. "Bella is a completely selfless person. She would make any sacrifice for someone she loves." Bella looked a little uncomfortable at that, perhaps recalling times when she put herself in danger.

Carlisle continued. "I'm certain that no threat to her own well being could have brought her back to herself. But knowing that you were suffering – that all of her faculties might be necessary to deal with the situation – she broke through. Well, that's my theory, in any event, and I think it makes perfect sense."

"Bella, how are you feeling?" Carlisle asked. "You appeared to be in pain a while ago. Has that improved?"

"Yes, immeasurably," she responded, relief evident in her voice. "I'm not sure it was pain, really, just some sort of . . . overload. I feel all right now."

"Good. I'm going to leave you two to talk. Welcome home, Bella. You certainly do make life interesting around here," Carlisle finished with a chuckle.

Bella dropped her eyes and began staring at her hands. I wondered what that was all about.

"Bella, what's wrong, love?" I asked softly.

"Edward, I feel so awful," she admitted. "How could I forget you? How could I forget our wedding? It's inexcusable . . . I must have hurt you so much." Grief was etched into her features.

"Bella, you didn't forget about me, sweetheart. You were just keeping me safe with you, inside your mind. We were together in there," and I lightly tapped the side of her head. "Please consider that it wasn't just me you couldn't remember – you couldn't remember yourself either. Do you feel guilty about that, too?

"No, but . . ."

"No, Bella. No guilt," I ordered. I hesitated – I needed to do better than that. "When I was teaching you – giving you memory lessons as you put it – you taught me some things as well. I was feeling so guilty about what had happened to you – and all the mistakes I had made that led to this situation – that I was virtually incapacitated by remorse some days. And you taught me what a selfish thing that was – making your problem all about me. It was useless and totally unproductive."

"So," Bella interjected, "you, Edward Cullen, are not going to feel guilty any more – do I have that right?"

I chuckled. "Well, being me, Edward Cullen, I can't say 'never', but I'm going to do my best. You should feel free to remind me of that statement at any time. Besides, Bella Cullen, I believe we have much better ways to occupy our time."

I put my arm around her shoulders and leaned her back onto the couch, the better to gaze upon her face. I cupped her cheek with my free hand. The force of my feelings hit me like a sledgehammer.

"Bella, I love you so much," and my voice was thick with emotion. "Thank heaven you came back to me." I kissed her softly. "I never . . . stopped . . . loving . . . you, but . . . to have you back . . . whole and healthy . . . has made all my wishes come true," I said, my words interrupted with kisses. My hand slid to her shoulder, and I began trailing kisses down her neck. This wasn't quite the moment to make love to my wife – but it would be and very soon. And happiness flooded me as I repeated the words to myself – _my wife_.

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	26. Chapter 25 My Bella

**These are the characters of Stephenie Meyer . . . **

Chapter 25 – My Bella

We spent several hours curled up on the sofa, talking and reminiscing about the past. I realized at one point that I was trying to assess whether there were any permanent changes in Bella. Did the "new" Bella have any lasting impact on the original?

I thought I could discern some differences. Despite her difficulty in confessing her love to me earlier, she otherwise seemed less inhibited about expressing her feelings, and I was pleased about that. Strangely, she appeared more self-assured than the Bella of the past, but that could also have been attributable to the fact that we were now, at least in Bella's mind, physical equals. Perhaps, though, she realized how much I truly loved her, as she repeatedly expressed her amazement that I would go to such efforts to restore her to herself.

I refused to accept her gratitude. "It was absolute selfishness on my part, Bella. I would have cheerfully walked to the ends of the earth and back to regain your love," I confessed.

At the same time, certain qualities became evident that I now realized I had greatly missed. Her dry sense of humor returned full force, and she made me laugh repeatedly. I delighted in her wry comments.

As lovers do, we questioned one another about our feelings during the recent past. "What did you like best about me, not have any memories?" Bella slyly asked.

I had a ready answer. "I truly enjoyed the fact that you couldn't remember how much you hated receiving gifts from me. You have no idea how much I enjoy spoiling you. I should have taken much greater advantage of it."

Bella fingered her locket and said, "I'll try to remember that." We both laughed.

"And what did you like best about the last few months?" I asked in turn.

"I loved reading aloud with you. When you acted out the love scenes from the stories we read, I would pretend it was real."

"I enjoyed it for the same reason – for a long time it was the only way I could tell you I loved you. For me, it was real," I whispered.

After a few minutes in which I silently studied Bella's face, I added, "I never stopped loving you – not for one minute. I couldn't help myself loving you – even while I missed the person that you were. I have no idea if that makes any sense."

"And I learned to love you all over again," Bella responded with a smile. "It was different. There were no unnatural impediments to our relationship this time. It was sweet and old-fashioned. It was . . . really lovely."

The temptation to become her lover again in truth was becoming overwhelming. But I felt we needed to re-establish our relationship first, make sure we were on solid ground. Lying together on the sofa wasn't helping, so I suggested we take a walk.

We strolled aimlessly away from the house, holding hands and exchanging glances. Bella was thoughtful at first. Eventually she asked about Charlie and Renee.

"Well, Alice has been covering for us. Apparently, you wrote to inform them that we were extending our honeymoon. Alice has been sending postcards and the like to reinforce the pretense. I suppose we should check with her to see where we're supposed to be at the moment."

Bella chuckled at that, but the unanswered questions about her relationship with her parents must have troubled her.

I continued. "There's no reason you can't call them now, Bella. We only need to talk to Alice to get our story straight. The rest, we'll have to figure out as we go along."

"Yes, I understand," she said softly. "After all, the situation with my parents was going to be something I had to deal with regardless of the way things came about. I'm rather glad they thought I was off having fun – I'll have to thank Alice."

That forced me to ask another question. "Bella, are you terribly disappointed that I wasn't the one to change you? Before my newfound resolution, I felt so guilty about that. Honestly, I can't completely eliminate the feeling."

Bella looked thoughtful. "I haven't really had much opportunity to think about that yet. I will say one thing though. You were always so reluctant when the subject matter came up. I think some small part of me never really believed you would do it. Am I wrong about that?"

I felt compelled to be just as truthful. "Yes and no. I would have done it, because I promised you to do so. I'm just not sure I ever would have felt completely right about it."

That didn't surprise Bella. "The main reason I wanted it to be you was because I needed you to be a willing participant in the . . . process. I wanted you to be just as committed to the choice as I was. Now that it's done – it's done. I don't regret the result, not in the least. In fact, I think the only thing that could make me feel differently is if you felt any remorse. If you were unsatisfied with my change, in any way and to any degree, I could never be content."

She paused and sighed. "I'm doing a very poor job of expressing myself. I'm afraid it's my insecurity coming out, once again. What I'm trying to say is, if you're happy with me – with the changed me – and you don't regret that I have become like you, then I am happy regardless of the circumstances that caused it. I just want you to still . . . like me."

I was so tempted to take Bella in my arms and reassure her of my feelings. But that would have been too easy. She needed my honesty. "I loved you before – and I loved you after – and now it's as if my feelings have multiplied. I miss your blushes and your heartbeat – but I have been given so much more in exchange." I paused in thought. "In some ways, I have a greater understanding of what you were trying to tell me before – why you wanted me to change you – why you needed to be like me. Your insight in that was as great as in everything else. But it's not as if you've become my equal, because you were always so much more than me. I've learned that repeatedly in the last few months. Even with so much of you gone missing, you still humbled me time and again with your openness and strength."

"Then promise me you'll never feel bad about this – about my change," Bella urged. "Tell me that you accept me with your whole heart, and there will be no remorse about why, or how, or when."

I turned to face her and gave her my vow. "I promise you that I will never regret your change. And I will tell you now, and for all time, that having you with me for eternity is the greatest gift I could imagine. You once said this to me and I say it now to you. You mean more to me than everything else in the world combined. I love you, Bella."

Our eyes met and held, and in that instant, it felt as if there was some fundamental shift in the universe. Perhaps it was the resolution of the last question between us, but the inexplicable energy that always resonated between us seemed to escalate in the silence that followed. When the tension became unbearable, my will crumbled and I seized Bella roughly in my arms as my mouth came crashing down on hers. Her lips opened in response to the pressure I exerted, and my tongue plundered her mouth. I groaned and pulled her body closer to mine. Bella seemed just as frantic as me, small sounds of pleasure escaping her in response to my kisses and caresses. Her hands roamed over my shoulders and back as she clutched herself to me. When they moved to the buttons on my shirt, some small sense of reality intruded, and I managed to pull away, still gasping for breath. I realized with dismay that I was about to take my wife in the backyard of our house. I took a deep breath to clear my thoughts - this wouldn't do at all.

Come," I said imperiously, as I led her back to the house. Before we reached the door, I lifted Bella into my arms and carried her up the stairs to our room. As I placed her gently on the bed, the feelings of love and desire reverberating between us were all consuming. And when I took her in my arms, it seemed that the old Bella and the new Bella had merged into one. Now she was, once again and for all time, simply my Bella.

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	27. Epilogue Bella's Gift

**These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer . . . **

Epilogue

I emerged from our room two days later. Bella refused to come with me, saying she wasn't ready to face anyone yet. I was sorry for her discomposure, but couldn't help chuckling happily – anything that kept her in our bed couldn't be all bad.

I went to find Carlisle, hoping to avoid any encounters with my brothers on the way. At the end of the day, though, it didn't really matter. Had they known what I felt, the only emotion they would have displayed would be envy.

I found Carlisle in his office. As I entered, he looked up and said with a laugh, "So, I do have a third son after all."

"Very funny, Carlisle," I responded.

"Sorry, Edward - I couldn't resist. What can I do for you? Where's Bella?"

"She's feeling a little . . . uh . . . shy at the moment, so she stayed upstairs," I admitted.

"I see," Carlisle responded, a smile threatening again.

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to tell myself that there was nothing funny about the reason that brought me here. I gazed out the window as I blurted out, "Bella has developed a gift. I assume it was triggered by the recovery of her memories." I struggled to keep the smile off of my face.

Carlisle was instantly sober, concern apparent in his voice. "I see nothing humorous about this Edward. If Aro finds out . . ." he trailed off.

"I'm quite certain this is not a talent which would be useful to Aro in any way," I asserted. My smile broadened. I was losing the battle to maintain my dignity in this conversation.

"You're being a bit jocular about this, Edward," Carlisle announced with disapproval. "This is still serious. I assume you came here to tell me, so please proceed."

Carlisle was obviously getting impatient, but now that it came down to it, I was reluctant to say more. It was too . . . personal, too . . . intimate. I was starting to feel like the proverbial teenager having the awkward sex talk with an uncomfortable parent. But Carlisle did have a right to know and frankly, I was curious about his opinion.

I sighed. "Er . . . um . . ." I fumbled, and then stopped to gather my thoughts.

"At a loss for words Edward? This is unprecedented," Carlisle commented.

I took a calming breath and tried again. "Her gift creates . . . a certain . . . enhancement in our . . . physical relationship."

Carlisle seemed to be suppressing a grin now as well. "Are you sure this is a gift – and not just long repressed desire?"

"Oh, I'm sure. Although we never actually . . . re-established complete . . . intimacy . . . before Bella recovered her memories, this is most definitely and noticeably . . . different. The . . . feelings and . . . responses . . . are . . . overwhelmingly . . . magnified," I finished with a mumble.

"Well," Carlisle concluded. "I suppose I should be gratified - this fits perfectly with my theory."

I raised an eyebrow in question.

"I have said repeatedly that a person's most predominant human traits will exhibit themselves in an intensified form after their change."

"What do you mean?" I asked defensively. I was pretty sure I should be taking offense at that statement and how it reflected on my wife.

"Bella's most obvious attribute was loving you."

"Carlisle, that doesn't really make sense to me. Loving me is not an attribute," I objected.

"You're right, Edward, I'm expressing myself poorly. This isn't about you – it could have been someone else, I suppose. What I'm saying is that Bella had a very unusual human quality – the capacity for a great love – an epic love. You just happened to be the lucky one on the receiving end of that ability."

Carlisle continued reflectively. "Think about this Edward. In the beginning, Bella and you were only together for a relatively short time. Consider that you then left her for seven months – a long absence for any human relationship, particularly one involving a teenager. Add on top of that the fact that Bella believed you did not love her anymore. Despite that, the minute Alice appeared and Bella discovered you were in danger, without a second thought to the very real peril to which she knew she would be exposed, she jumped on an airplane to go save your life. During your absence, her love for you had not wavered in the least – it had not lessened one whit. Does any of this sound like average human behavior to you? Do you really not comprehend the incredible gift you were given?"

For some reason, I couldn't quite accept it. "Still, there was Jacob – she loved him as well."

"And did Bella's affection for Jacob Black detract at all from the love she felt for you?" Carlisle asked pointedly.

"No," I conceded. And that was true – it hadn't. Bella had said there was no choice - that she couldn't live without me.

"So, it really shouldn't surprise you that Bella's gift gives her the ability to show you in no uncertain terms the depth of her love for you and allows you to appreciate it all the more," Carlisle concluded.

I wasn't grinning anymore. I was awestruck. I was starting to wonder what I had ever done to deserve such a love. Carlisle was right – lucky didn't even begin to describe it. How had I ever doubted her feelings for me? I was an idiot. But rather than get caught up in the negative emotions of the past, I vowed that I would do everything in my power to be worthy of Bella's love in the future.

"I realize that Bella and I haven't spent much time with the family, but I think it's best if we have some more time on our own. We need an opportunity to become reacquainted. I'm thinking of a second honeymoon, where she and I can . . . fully explore the . . . parameters of this gift." The smile was fighting to come back.

"Of course, Edward – I think that makes sense. We will miss you both, naturally." Carlisle was now grinning, too. "How long will you be gone?"

"A month, two maybe," I was uncertain. "We'll keep in touch."

"I hope you realize how fortunate you are, Edward," Carlisle added as I was leaving his office.

"Maybe I truly understand that for the first time," I admitted, before returning to our room.

I hesitated before opening the door to our bedroom. I knew once I entered, it could be another two days before I had the will to leave it. As soon as I got close to Bella, the . . . excitement would be palpable. And if I touched her, we would both be lost. We really did need to get a handle on this gift.

I entered the room, closed the door and leaned against it. Bella sat up and smiled at me, looking completely disheveled and utterly desirable. My breath quickened just at the sight of her.

"What took you so long, Edward?" she asked. And her voice was so sultry it sent a shiver down my spine.

Her hand reached out to invite me back into our bed, and my feet moved forward of their own accord. I knew the intensity of this . . . energy, this . . . talent, this . . . whatever . . . had to dissipate at some point, didn't it? Otherwise, as I once predicted, Bella _would_ be the death of me.

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